198 Funny January Twitter Tweets

2 February 2010 View Comments

What happened in this first month of the Decade?? Well according to the Tweets below a sports guy took a dump in someone's shoes, The Golden Globes & The Grammy's were made fun of (See the Taylor Swift String Below), Conan Lost His Job

The State of The Union was determined F'd and The Sensation that is Pants on The Ground was released.

This is all you need to know about what happened in January 2010. To continue to make fun of this great time in our lives please comment below and….

Don't Forget to Follow Me


	
		
			
		
		
			YourFunnyTweets
		
		(Adam Moore)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					I Will ReTweet Your Funny Shit

				
				
					On 4:24 PM Jan 8th 2010
					from web

Add to favorites


	
		
			
		
		
			SamGrittner
		
		(Sam Grittner)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					My friend Timmy is an Eagle Scout and asked me to burn him a CD for when he's in nature... He's going to go so nuts for my Trail Mix!

				
				
					On 5:29 AM Jan 12th 2010
					from TweetDeck


	
		
			
		
		
			joselynhughes
		
		(joselynhughes)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					episodes of 'hoarders' are piling up on my DVR. i want to save them; not delete them!  what's wrong wi- oh, no. oh god, it's happening.

				
				
					On 5:34 AM Jan 12th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			katiecompa
		
		(Katie Compa)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					I need to go back to the gym. My jeans look like leggings.

				
				
					On 6:32 AM Jan 12th 2010
					from Echofon


	
		
			
		
		
			ScottAukerman
		
		(Scott Aukerman)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					The Bachelor proves once again that hot people like to fuck each other!!

				
				
					On 6:32 AM Jan 12th 2010
					from Echofon


	
		
			
		
		
			paulrust
		
		(paulrust)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Do scientists only conduct sex surveys so Jay Leno has material for his monologue?

				
				
					On 6:33 AM Jan 12th 2010
					from mobile web


	
		
			
		
		
			Jim_Hamilton
		
		(Jim Hamilton)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					"You can't fuck your way to the top with handjobs." - Hollywood Proverb

				
				
					On 7:53 AM Jan 12th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			robertpopper
		
		(Robert Popper)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Who says white people can't play reggae? http://bit.ly/8LsDrG

				
				
					On 9:26 AM Jan 12th 2010
					from TweetDeck


	
		
			
		
		
			bobandtom
		
		(Bob and Tom)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					When the show starts with a sports story about a guy taking a dump in another guy's shoes, you know it's gonna be a good day.

				
				
					On 11:54 AM Jan 12th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			DilPickles
		
		(Dylan Leonard)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Actual question once asked in my biology class "When did all the unicorns go extinct?".....(college biology might I add)

				
				
					On 12:51 PM Jan 12th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			BTMcLaughlin
		
		(Brendan McLaughlin)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					104 year old man killed by a minivan in Brooklyn. The driver said that she did have the right of way, and that she's going to hell.

				
				
					On 4:27 PM Jan 12th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			WhitneyCummings
		
		(Whitney Cummings)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Sincerity is the new sarcasm.

				
				
					On 4:55 PM Jan 12th 2010
					from UberTwitter


	
		
			
		
		
			BTMcLaughlin
		
		(Brendan McLaughlin)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					There's nothing more satisfying than making someone you don't know roll their eyes.

				
				
					On 5:56 PM Jan 12th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			duncantrussell
		
		(duncantrussell)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					defending traditional marriage is gay.

				
				
					On 6:53 PM Jan 12th 2010
					from TweetDeck


	
		
			
		
		
			chrisdelia
		
		(Chris D'Elia)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Here's the gayest thing you can say to your friend. "Yo bro, why don't you ever poke me on facebook?"

				
				
					On 7:49 AM Jan 13th 2010
					from UberTwitter


	
		
			
		
		
			julialillis
		
		(julia lillis)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					my funds are "insufficient" and my twitter is "over capacity".  I can't get anything right today!!

				
				
					On 5:34 AM Jan 14th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			blacksteve27
		
		(Stephen Kearse)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					I feel bad when I have spelling errors on Twitter. Am I really so lazy that I can't proofread 140 characters? Yeah.

				
				
					On 5:15 AM Jan 14th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			Jim_Hamilton
		
		(Jim Hamilton)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Hey strip club bouncer, why don't you pick on somebody who has their pants on?!?

				
				
					On 7:10 AM Jan 14th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			chrisdelia
		
		(Chris D'Elia)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					At The Comedy Store. The Sham-wow guy is in the audience. He just said to his friend "There are rules, then there are MY rules." Sham-WOW.

				
				
					On 8:03 AM Jan 14th 2010
					from UberTwitter


	
		
			
		
		
			OGOchoCinco
		
		(Chad Ochocinco)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Top of the morning to you all, another beautiful day,today will be a day for tattoos all day long, OH S.H.I.T= OH SO HAPPY ITS THURSDAY

				
				
					On 2:21 PM Jan 14th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			WhitneyCummings
		
		(Whitney Cummings)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Chelsea Lately tonight. And "the situtation" is the guest, so. Oh and Snookie too so maybe she'll get punched again.

				
				
					On 3:51 PM Jan 14th 2010
					from UberTwitter


	
		
			
		
		
			shanu8
		
		(Shantanu Maheshwari)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Q. Why do bagpipers walk when they play?A. They're trying to get away from the noise.

				
				
					On 4:50 PM Jan 14th 2010
					from TweetDeck


	
		
			
		
		
			FrankCaliendo
		
		(Frank Caliendo)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Pants on the ground... http://bit.ly/7KENlR

				
				
					On 4:53 PM Jan 14th 2010
					from Facebook


	
		
			
		
		
			TheOnion
		
		(The Onion)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Opinion: If You're Ever In Florence, You Have To Visit This Mediocre Trattoria I Know (by Mark Gimbel) http://bit.ly/8psjXB

				
				
					On 5:22 PM Jan 14th 2010
					from twitterfeed


	
		
			
		
		
			alysiawood
		
		(Alysia Wood)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					MAGIC BULLET. Holy shit, I'm never going to be social again. Amazing. Why didn't you people tell me it's also a coffee grinder?? I'm SET.

				
				
					On 8:22 AM Jan 16th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			Jim_Hamilton
		
		(Jim Hamilton)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Remember, Monday is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day!!! Don't go to work (unless your boss is a racist)!

				
				
					On 9:34 AM Jan 16th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			BorowitzReport
		
		(Andy Borowitz)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					I think CNN's Situation Room would be a better show if it starred The Situation. #jerseyshore

				
				
					On 1:22 PM Jan 16th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			TheOnion
		
		(The Onion)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Sports: Tom Brady: 'I'd Have Booed Us Too, But Patriots Fans Are Still Ungrateful Front-Running Shitheads' http://onion.com/6t3vpU

				
				
					On 2:11 PM Jan 16th 2010
					from twitterfeed


	
		
			
		
		
			SamGrittner
		
		(Sam Grittner)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Can't decide whether to get mad hyphy, bust some krunk or just stay in bed all day and read the Times and sip coco.

				
				
					On 3:44 PM Jan 16th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			patdixon
		
		(Pat Dixon)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Skyline Comedy Club and I are hooking up TWICE tonight.  I want you to watch.

				
				
					On 4:48 PM Jan 16th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			DougBenson
		
		(Doug Benson)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Dear Assholes Who Complain I Am Tweeting Too Much After I Warned You That I Would Be Tweeting A Lot, Shut your dicks. Love, Fuck you.

				
				
					On 2:37 AM Jan 18th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			BorowitzReport
		
		(Andy Borowitz)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					The Golden Globes suck so much, they should be on NBC.  Oh wait, they are.

				
				
					On 2:37 AM Jan 18th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			dragonboysuede
		
		(howard kremer)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					When the guy who loves Windows 7 called his mom to tell her about it, I picked up because I was banging her and filming it on my macbook.

				
				
					On 2:45 AM Jan 18th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			DougBenson
		
		(Doug Benson)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					"I like drink as much as the next man. Unless the next man is Mel Gibson." -Ricky Gervais #goldenglobes

				
				
					On 3:15 AM Jan 18th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			friedmanjon
		
		(Jon Friedman)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Hilarious that Arnold Schwarzenegger's accent has NEVER improved.  #goldenglobes

				
				
					On 3:34 AM Jan 18th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			MyNameisRazzle
		
		(Razzle)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Conan O'Brien is the type of guy who'd bid $400 on The Price is Right....Jay Leno is the type who'd bid $401.

				
				
					On 5:08 AM Jan 18th 2010
					from TweetDeck


	
		
			
		
		
			rebeccakelley
		
		(Rebecca Kelley)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					OH If your tits get in the way of your armpits, you have a problem.

				
				
					On 10:08 AM Jan 18th 2010
					from TweetDeck


	
		
			
		
		
			rainnwilson
		
		(RainnWilson)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Waitress: u know u look just like the guy from that show, Dwight Shoot. Me: Wow. Thank You. He's very handsome!

				
				
					On 1:20 PM Jan 18th 2010
					from Tweetie


	
		
			
		
		
			tompapa
		
		(Tom Papa)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Happy MLK Day. I would take off from work but I'd have to get a job first and that goes against my whole  'I have a dream' concept.

				
				
					On 2:28 PM Jan 18th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			NikkiGlaser
		
		(Nikki Glaser)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					I'm sure you've seen this, but if not... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9o5_W6hn9k

				
				
					On 11:42 PM Jan 18th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			chelsealately
		
		(Chelsea Lately)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Mariah Carey didn't seem drunk at the Golden Globes last night, but her boobs did.

				
				
					On 11:53 PM Jan 18th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			DilPickles
		
		(Dylan Leonard)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					I just realized I was born on a Sunday..God's day of rest..I can definitely tell he was on break that day..

				
				
					On 12:24 AM Jan 19th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			drewhastings
		
		(Drew Hastings)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					A picture's worth a 1000 words. In a good Economy. Right now, a pics worth about 250.

				
				
					On 12:54 AM Jan 19th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			jordanrubin
		
		(Jordan Rubin)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					These tweets are made on equipment that also makes products containing peanuts.

				
				
					On 1:42 AM Jan 19th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			FunnyCostaki
		
		(CostakiEconomopoulos)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					The Tiger Woods story has really opened my eyes.  I thought guys play golf because they AREN'T getting laid.

				
				
					On 2:11 AM Jan 19th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			birbigs
		
		(Mike Birbiglia)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					have you noticed a lot of guys think they're george clooney in "up in the air" when actually they're paul giamatti in "sideways?"

				
				
					On 2:57 AM Jan 19th 2010
					from TweetDeck


	
		
			
		
		
			jackieclarke
		
		(Jackie Clarke)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Who looks more like an overweight, down-on-his-luck car salesman: Rex Ryan or Stan Van Gundy?

				
				
					On 5:14 AM Jan 19th 2010
					from TwitBird iPhone


	
		
			
		
		
			chrisdelia
		
		(Chris D'Elia)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Somebody just told me they're a Gemini. I don't give a fuck.

				
				
					On 5:44 AM Jan 19th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			SamGrittner
		
		(Sam Grittner)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					I just payed a cab driver $10 not to beat two dudes with a tire iron because they didn't have cab fare. #fact #trueshit #newyorkmoment

				
				
					On 6:26 AM Jan 19th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			jordanrubin
		
		(Jordan Rubin)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Zombies always walk towards you slowly with that "Ok, who farted?" look in their eyes.

				
				
					On 6:47 AM Jan 19th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			amazingsoup
		
		(Amazing Super Powers)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					John Travolta's hair was swallowed by his skull which shit it out at his chin. -w

				
				
					On 8:41 AM Jan 19th 2010
					from Echofon


	
		
			
		
		
			SaraJBenincasa
		
		(Sara Benincasa)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					"The Hangover" is basically just "Saving Private Ryan" in Vegas.

				
				
					On 12:21 PM Jan 19th 2010
					from txt


	
		
			
		
		
			BorowitzReport
		
		(Andy Borowitz)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					In one year, we've gone from "Yes We Can" to "Pants On The Ground."

				
				
					On 1:41 PM Jan 19th 2010
					from Echofon


	
		
			
		
		
			tommyjohnagin
		
		(Tommy Johnagin)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Realized last night I say "boom" far more than one should. Incase you are wondering you should only say it never.

				
				
					On 2:37 PM Jan 19th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			OGOchoCinco
		
		(Chad Ochocinco)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					OCNN-how cool would it be to have a NBA vs NFL game, we play them in there sport and they play us in ours (flag football)-i'd dunk on Lebron

				
				
					On 2:40 PM Jan 19th 2010
					from MOTOBLUR


	
		
			
		
		
			tommyjohnagin
		
		(Tommy Johnagin)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					@bobandtom "her chinchilla got loose" would make a great euphemism. "We had a couple drinks went my room then her chinchilla got loose"

				
				
					On 2:42 PM Jan 19th 2010
					from web
					 in reply to Bob and Tom


	
		
			
		
		
			drewhastings
		
		(Drew Hastings)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					I protect myself against identity theft by tearing my mail in half and emptying leftover chinese food or coffee grounds over it.

				
				
					On 3:22 PM Jan 19th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			shitmydadsays
		
		(Justin)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					"No, I'm not a pessimist. At some point the world shits on everybody. Pretending it ain't shit makes you an idiot, not an optimist."

				
				
					On 6:14 PM Jan 19th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			patdixon
		
		(Pat Dixon)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Using karate chops to compartmentalize my life.

				
				
					On 11:18 PM Jan 19th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			BorowitzReport
		
		(Andy Borowitz)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					A REAL headline I wish I had written: John Edwards Now Most Unpopular Figure Anywhere, Anytime: Pollster

				
				
					On 11:26 PM Jan 19th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			jordanrubin
		
		(Jordan Rubin)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Are those things on Morgan Freeman's face stolen pieces of Seal's face?

				
				
					On 11:40 PM Jan 19th 2010
					from Seesmic


	
		
			
		
		
			danecook
		
		(Dane Cook)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Have u ever run out of toilet paper & tried wiping yourself with the empty cardboard tube? 
I just tried 4 u. Doesn't fly right.

				
				
					On 12:17 AM Jan 20th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			chrisdelia
		
		(Chris D'Elia)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					It's so weird that I can beat up ANY 6 year old alive.

				
				
					On 12:56 AM Jan 20th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			OGOchoCinco
		
		(Chad Ochocinco)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					No it was just getting fun, I'm waiting on the haters to start hating :( don't stop its flirting with no intention

				
				
					On 1:11 AM Jan 20th 2010
					from twidroid


	
		
			
		
		
			JimNorton
		
		(Jim Norton)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Have you ever shit for so long your feet fall asleep? I'm afraid to stand up.

				
				
					On 1:42 AM Jan 20th 2010
					from Tweetie


	
		
			
		
		
			therealamaru
		
		(Amaru)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					The camera man ain't here yet. Why black folks gotta keep the stereotype going? Why?! Mayb I can get the ontime white guy 2do it.

				
				
					On 2:00 AM Jan 20th 2010
					from Seesmic


	
		
			
		
		
			jimgaffigan
		
		(jim gaffigan)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					The founder of Taco Bell died.  Hope this won't affect the quality of the food.

				
				
					On 2:01 AM Jan 20th 2010
					from Tweetie


	
		
			
		
		
			johncmayer
		
		(John Mayer)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Just read my Rolling Stone cover article. I'm still not sure if I would want to hang out with me.

				
				
					On 2:31 AM Jan 20th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			elibraden
		
		(Eli Braden)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Massachusetts?  More like ASS-a-POO-SHITS.

				
				
					On 3:14 AM Jan 20th 2010
					from Tweetie


	
		
			
		
		
			WhitneyCummings
		
		(Whitney Cummings)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					RT @RedHourBen: Welcome @billgates to the Twitter. Let me know if u would like any tech tips, how it works, what makes a computer run, etc.

				
				
					On 3:06 AM Jan 20th 2010
					from UberTwitter


	
		
			
		
		
			Gamdel
		
		(Mr. Singularity)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					The 100 Cheesiest Movie Quotes of All Time	http://is.gd/6DycH

				
				
					On 3:31 AM Jan 20th 2010
					from TweetDeck


	
		
			
		
		
			DougBenson
		
		(Doug Benson)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					As a pot smoker, it's difficult to date a stripper because I can't remember both of her names.

				
				
					On 11:25 PM Jan 20th 2010
					from txt


	
		
			
		
		
			danecook
		
		(Dane Cook)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					You can not escape your past. 
So why not continue to hang out & have sex with it until a hotter future comes along.

				
				
					On 12:52 AM Jan 21st 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			StephenAtHome
		
		(Stephen Colbert)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					it's a year to the day since president obama took office. if he had half the class of sarah palin, he'd resign right now.

				
				
					On 3:34 AM Jan 21st 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			chrisdelia
		
		(Chris D'Elia)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Hey I'm flippin' bricks.  Just kidding I'm just hangin' at a coffee shop. What's up guys?

				
				
					On 4:19 AM Jan 21st 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			JimNorton
		
		(Jim Norton)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Leno monologue tonight: "Letterman has been hammering me every night. You know the best way to get Letterman to ignore you? Marry him."

				
				
					On 4:53 AM Jan 21st 2010
					from Tweetie


	
		
			
		
		
			chrisdelia
		
		(Chris D'Elia)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Is it prejudice that I would absolutely never hang out with someone who was wearing sunglasses at night? Because I wouldn't. Ever.

				
				
					On 7:03 AM Jan 21st 2010
					from UberTwitter


	
		
			
		
		
			PatGodwin
		
		(Pat Godwin)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Why do most of Tiger's girlfriends have that slutty, glittery, faux diamond, stripper jewel on their cheek? Oh, nevermind.

				
				
					On 12:20 AM Jan 22nd 2010
					from TweetDeck


	
		
			
		
		
			DougBenson
		
		(Doug Benson)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					When a boss of mine asks me to jump, I say "How high...do you want me to be when I jump?"

				
				
					On 1:33 AM Jan 22nd 2010
					from txt


	
		
			
		
		
			EricStangel
		
		(Eric Stangel)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					It is sad that in 18 minutes I will turn off Kobe vs LeBron in favor of the Jersey Shore finale? #disappointedinmyself

				
				
					On 2:43 AM Jan 22nd 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			danecook
		
		(Dane Cook)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					UPS new motto: Yea, really. I am gonna park in the middle of the fucking street.

				
				
					On 4:03 AM Jan 22nd 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			douggpound
		
		(Doug Lussenhop)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Every time someone on Jersey Shore wears a shirt with silkscreened wings on it, an angel gets their wings amputated.

				
				
					On 5:17 AM Jan 22nd 2010
					from Tweetie


	
		
			
		
		
			samantharonson
		
		(samantha ronson)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					If I was a rapper my freestyles would be crazy- if by crazy you mean tame and not that clever. My rap name would be Lay-Z.

				
				
					On 8:55 AM Jan 23rd 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			elibraden
		
		(Eli Braden)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					The quietest swear word?  Shhhhhhit.

				
				
					On 9:41 AM Jan 23rd 2010
					from Tweetie


	
		
			
		
		
			ryandalton
		
		(Ryan Dalton)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					When I see Heidi Fleiss on Celebrity Rehab, I immediately say, "I've been that hung over". #celebrityrehab

				
				
					On 4:04 PM Jan 23rd 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			JasperRedd
		
		(Jasper Redd)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					If u dont have a personal wizard, u aint balln 2 me. Yeah u got money and cars, but can u make a unicorn run thru the hood? Then shut fk up.

				
				
					On 5:09 PM Jan 23rd 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			JoshSneed
		
		(Josh Sneed)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					I feel like if an accused serial killer claimed they just watched one too many Olive Garden commercials, I'd totally understand.

				
				
					On 7:57 PM Jan 23rd 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			b_donovan
		
		(brian donovan)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					What doesn't kill me makes me injured and afraid.

				
				
					On 7:57 PM Jan 23rd 2010
					from Tweetie


	
		
			
		
		
			BorowitzReport
		
		(Andy Borowitz)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					NY Times headline, via Duh Magazine: Does Corporate Money Lead to Political Corruption?

				
				
					On 9:11 PM Jan 23rd 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			jaymohr37
		
		(Jay Mohr)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					I'm a little stunned at The Black Eyed Peas success. My lumps? Let's get retarded? Boom boom pow? All of these songs have a credited writer.

				
				
					On 9:56 PM Jan 23rd 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			roywoodjr
		
		(Roy Wood, Jr.)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Ladies. The cutoff for a Valentine's Gift is the NFC Championship game.  Meet someone after sunday, they dont owe you a gift

				
				
					On 10:08 PM Jan 23rd 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			paulscheer
		
		(Paul Scheer)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					In San Francisco really excited to see Uncle Jesse's Band, Jessie and The Rippers play. Anyone have any info about shows?

				
				
					On 10:24 PM Jan 23rd 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			jordanrubin
		
		(Jordan Rubin)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Is Prop 8 the one that allows people to do each other up the butt?

				
				
					On 10:42 PM Jan 23rd 2010
					from Seesmic


	
		
			
		
		
			b_donovan
		
		(brian donovan)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					What happens in Atlantic City pretends it happened in Vegas.

				
				
					On 11:13 PM Jan 23rd 2010
					from Tweetie


	
		
			
		
		
			ChristinaP
		
		(Christina Pazsitzky)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					just fyi melting cheddar on a plate and eating it doesn't make u happy.

				
				
					On 12:20 AM Jan 24th 2010
					from mobile web


	
		
			
		
		
			rainnwilson
		
		(RainnWilson)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					It seems like all U need to be a professional  'movie reviewer' at Sundance is to have a laptop and a web page with a readership of 12.

				
				
					On 1:36 AM Jan 24th 2010
					from Tweetie


	
		
			
		
		
			joerogandotnet
		
		(Joe Rogan)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					A pot cookie and an iPod turns a boring trip through the airport into a fascinating adventure

				
				
					On 3:41 AM Jan 24th 2010
					from Tweetie


	
		
			
		
		
			danlevyshow
		
		(Dan Levy)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					I think I would like Miami better if I used  hair gel and coke.

				
				
					On 3:32 PM Jan 24th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			patdixon
		
		(Pat Dixon)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					You can look like an asshole sometimes without even trying.

				
				
					On 5:25 PM Jan 24th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			paulscheer
		
		(Paul Scheer)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Just arrived at Sundance with my new independent movie. Its so independent, I haven't shot it or written it yet.

				
				
					On 6:29 PM Jan 24th 2010
					from UberTwitter


	
		
			
		
		
			randfish
		
		(Rand Fishkin)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					The most appropriate cartoon for the day http://j.mp/4E4FEE

				
				
					On 7:38 PM Jan 24th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			joselynhughes
		
		(joselynhughes)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Just saw Gwen Stefani and fam at the Farmer's Market. Then I bought some bananas. B-a-n-a-n-a-s.

				
				
					On 8:16 PM Jan 24th 2010
					from UberTwitter


	
		
			
		
		
			DougBenson
		
		(Doug Benson)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Don't be jealous of my day at Six Flags. I'm sure if you try hard enough, you can turn your day into an emotional rollercoaster.

				
				
					On 8:20 PM Jan 24th 2010
					from txt


	
		
			
		
		
			BorowitzReport
		
		(Andy Borowitz)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Bin Laden is like a movie executive - no matter how little he was involved, he claims credit.

				
				
					On 9:14 PM Jan 24th 2010
					from Echofon


	
		
			
		
		
			robdelaney
		
		(rob delaney)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Open letter to German men: What the fuck are you wearing?

				
				
					On 9:36 PM Jan 24th 2010
					from txt


	
		
			
		
		
			Braunger
		
		(Matt Braunger)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					As if Park City, Utah wasn't white enough, there is a German restaurant called "Adolph's" here. Seig heilicious!

				
				
					On 10:04 PM Jan 24th 2010
					from Echofon


	
		
			
		
		
			natashaleggero
		
		(Natasha Leggero)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Lady Gaga is just Christina Aguliara if she had read some Andy Warhol quotes.

				
				
					On 11:06 PM Jan 24th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			WhitneyCummings
		
		(Whitney Cummings)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					I was watching the public access channel for an hour before I realized it was MTV.

				
				
					On 11:43 PM Jan 24th 2010
					from UberTwitter


	
		
			
		
		
			roywoodjr
		
		(Roy Wood, Jr.)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					is it just me, or is Peyton Manning's head shaped like an exclamation point? Saints by 10.

				
				
					On 5:54 AM Jan 25th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			SamGrittner
		
		(Sam Grittner)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					I'm so gangsta, I even sleep tight.

				
				
					On 7:35 AM Jan 25th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			SamGrittner
		
		(Sam Grittner)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					If I worked in a store, everyday of my life I'd tell customers: "Wait'll you see what I have IN STORE for you!" Also, I'd cut myself a lot.

				
				
					On 7:44 AM Jan 25th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			paulandstorm
		
		(Paul and Storm)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					[P] Daughter getting braces today, going to first dance on Thursday. "And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon..."

				
				
					On 3:29 PM Jan 25th 2010
					from Tweetie


	
		
			
		
		
			EricStangel
		
		(Eric Stangel)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					It's a bad sign that we are 13 days from the Super Bowl and CBS has already started its pregame coverage...

				
				
					On 4:06 PM Jan 25th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			TheOnion
		
		(The Onion)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Man Who Enjoys Thing Informed He Is Wrong http://onion.com/6QjnVU

				
				
					On 4:39 PM Jan 25th 2010
					from twitterfeed


	
		
			
		
		
			elibraden
		
		(Eli Braden)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Last week P.Diddy bought his son a $350,000 car & donated $10,000 to Haiti. I really think he should buy the Haitians one of those cars too.

				
				
					On 5:43 PM Jan 25th 2010
					from Tweetie


	
		
			
		
		
			michaelianblack
		
		(Michael Ian Black)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Least appealing verb: "squirt."

				
				
					On 7:12 PM Jan 25th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			Justin_Stangel
		
		(Justin Stangel)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					I was once so poor I was literally living ass-to-mouth

				
				
					On 7:34 PM Jan 25th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			JimCarrey
		
		(Jim Carrey)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					television is weirdos judging weirdos viewed by weirdos who are just glad there are weirder weirdos out there. like me DAMN IT! %^(

				
				
					On 7:41 PM Jan 25th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			DilPickles
		
		(Dylan Leonard)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Has an actor ever been thrown off stage for causing a scene?

				
				
					On 7:52 PM Jan 25th 2010
					from txt


	
		
			
		
		
			BorowitzReport
		
		(Andy Borowitz)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					The 8 most ominous words in the English language: "From the studio that brought you The Proposal"

				
				
					On 8:09 PM Jan 25th 2010
					from Echofon


	
		
			
		
		
			blacksteve27
		
		(Stephen Kearse)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					For me, sarcasm is like a condom. It can protect you for a little while, but if you keep it on for too long, things get nasty. #fb

				
				
					On 8:11 PM Jan 25th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			paulfeig
		
		(Paul Feig)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Did you ever eat so much for lunch that you sort of hated yourself? Well, I sort of hate myself.

				
				
					On 8:51 PM Jan 25th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			cyburdine
		
		(cyburdine)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Walmart Scary Clown Commercial :: http://su.pr/1wURtz #humor #funny

				
				
					On 10:51 PM Jan 25th 2010
					from Su.pr


	
		
			
		
		
			robhuebel
		
		(Rob Huebel)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					One day I'd like to jump out of a birthday cake and throw an axe at my arch enemy. Is that too much to ask?

				
				
					On 1:15 AM Jan 26th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			funnyordie
		
		(Funny or Die)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Some of the best moments from the Conan O'Brien Show: http://bit.ly/6Oktgc

				
				
					On 1:32 AM Jan 26th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			sarahcolonna
		
		(Sarah Colonna)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Dear Myself:  watching a movie called The Pregnancy Pact on Lifetime makes you kind of a loser. Love, You.

				
				
					On 3:52 AM Jan 26th 2010
					from Tweetie


	
		
			
		
		
			StephenAtHome
		
		(Stephen Colbert)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					obama got jury duty in illinois? guess we can add "changing address with dmv" to list of things he hasn't gotten done this year

				
				
					On 4:34 AM Jan 26th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			StephenAtHome
		
		(Stephen Colbert)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					still wrapping my head around the fact that soda is sweetened with corn, and not candy corn

				
				
					On 4:40 AM Jan 26th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			MyNameisRazzle
		
		(Razzle)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Girl on facebook: "What you up to?" Me: "Just eating some cereal"  Her: "How can you eat cereal at night?" Me:"Um...because I'm an adult."

				
				
					On 6:43 AM Jan 26th 2010
					from TweetDeck


	
		
			
		
		
			jordanrubin
		
		(Jordan Rubin)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Long story short, those people with the massage chairs at the mall don't give happy endings.

				
				
					On 11:10 AM Jan 26th 2010
					from Seesmic


	
		
			
		
		
			jasoncollings
		
		(Jason Collings)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					The most insecure thing to say to your girl in an argument: "you need me!"

				
				
					On 10:23 PM Jan 26th 2010
					from UberTwitter


	
		
			
		
		
			robhuebel
		
		(Rob Huebel)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					I have a physical today.  Some stranger is going to touch my privates.  And put something inside of me.  And handle my urine.  For free.

				
				
					On 10:45 PM Jan 26th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			amazingsoup
		
		(Amazing Super Powers)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					The new Apple tablet is rumored to be powered by the hype surrounding it. -w

				
				
					On 11:02 PM Jan 26th 2010
					from Echofon


	
		
			
		
		
			WhitneyCummings
		
		(Whitney Cummings)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Duct tape to women is what Spanx are to men: we don’t know what it does,we think it’s ugly,and don't get why it’s impossible to get off.

				
				
					On 11:36 PM Jan 26th 2010
					from TweetDeck


	
		
			
		
		
			MyNameisRazzle
		
		(Razzle)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					If I was a Lawyer my 1st question would be "Is Back to the Future awesome?"; If he said "No", I'd know he's an idiot, and probably guilty...

				
				
					On 1:34 AM Jan 27th 2010
					from TweetDeck


	
		
			
		
		
			jordanrubin
		
		(Jordan Rubin)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					It's funny when you go out and don't drink and everyone around you slowly gets drunker. Especially when you're high.

				
				
					On 2:06 AM Jan 27th 2010
					from Seesmic


	
		
			
		
		
			Jim_Hamilton
		
		(Jim Hamilton)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Two hard truths for girls of a certain ilk: 1. Quirky don't equal cute. 2. Your blog sucks.

				
				
					On 3:11 AM Jan 27th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			MyNameisRazzle
		
		(Razzle)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Person: " You have your logo on your shoes, gloves, & hoodie?...didn't you know wearing you own stuff is stupid?" Me: "Tell that to Batman."

				
				
					On 3:28 AM Jan 27th 2010
					from TweetDeck


	
		
			
		
		
			eddiepepitone
		
		(eddie pepitone)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					I watch these guys in revenge movies kill everfuckingbody.Closest I get to revenge is farting near someone.

				
				
					On 4:37 AM Jan 27th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			lizzwinstead
		
		(Lizz Winstead)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Obamas relationship w/ the GOP is like a friend who is dating a total asshole an expects you to listen to his problems. #justbreakupalready

				
				
					On 1:02 PM Jan 27th 2010
					from TweetDeck


	
		
			
		
		
			richeisen
		
		(Rich Eisen)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					When @OGOchoCinco hit our Pro Bowl set today on NFLN, an instant classic ensued. A must watch, if you please: http://tinyurl.com/ygrjjwf

				
				
					On 8:48 PM Jan 27th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			WhitneyCummings
		
		(Whitney Cummings)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					18 degrees in Chicago. Everyone's face is so frozen I feel like I'm in LA.

				
				
					On 9:15 PM Jan 27th 2010
					from UberTwitter


	
		
			
		
		
			roywoodjr
		
		(Roy Wood, Jr.)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					is quietly hoping that Obama comes out to "All Da Way Turned Up". I love ignant southern hip-hop.

				
				
					On 2:05 AM Jan 28th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			TheOnion
		
		(The Onion)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Countdown To #SOTU: [video] Poll: Happy, Healthy Obamas Out Of Touch With Miserable Americans http://onion.com/cVw7W6

				
				
					On 11:32 PM Jan 27th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			JenKirkman
		
		(Jen Kirkman)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					if our union is "strong" god help me if i ever see it "weak"

				
				
					On 2:18 AM Jan 28th 2010
					from mobile web


	
		
			
		
		
			MattDThompson
		
		(Matt Thompson)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					The state of the union address should be called the sugar coated BS address or just the blowing smoke up your ass address.

				
				
					On 2:21 AM Jan 28th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			johncmayer
		
		(John Mayer)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					More people would watch the State of the Union Address if President Obama introduced a new gadget at the end. Just saying.

				
				
					On 2:34 AM Jan 28th 2010
					from Twittelator


	
		
			
		
		
			blacksteve27
		
		(Stephen Kearse)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					BET is airing the State of the Union Address. This is probably the first time it's ever happened. That's sad, yo.

				
				
					On 2:36 AM Jan 28th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			PFTompkins
		
		(Paul F. Tompkins)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Doesn't matter who's President, these speeches are always the same: BORING GROWN-UP TALK. I wanna hear about video games! And candy!

				
				
					On 2:39 AM Jan 28th 2010
					from TweetDeck


	
		
			
		
		
			samgrizzy
		
		(Sam B Griwold)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					When is the President announcing the iPad? Shouldn't something of more importance than healthcare and unemployment be done by him? #SOTU

				
				
					On 3:01 AM Jan 28th 2010
					from TweetDeck


	
		
			
		
		
			samgrizzy
		
		(Sam B Griwold)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Did Obama just say "Hey Republicans, suck my big, Democratic cock" or is that just what I heard #SOTU

				
				
					On 3:04 AM Jan 28th 2010
					from TweetDeck


	
		
			
		
		
			funnyordie
		
		(Funny or Die)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					President Obama is saving the best for last: his new SOTU bill comes w/ an optional $30 unlimited data plan.

				
				
					On 3:08 AM Jan 28th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			MattDThompson
		
		(Matt Thompson)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					"right after this commercial break, we'll analyze the analysis of the analysis.  Then it's off to the political round table"

				
				
					On 3:26 AM Jan 28th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			GhostPanther
		
		(Adam McKay)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					As my 9 year old said about Obama tonight "It's easier to talk than to do" But she also wants to eat cupcakes in the pool.

				
				
					On 4:01 AM Jan 28th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			DilPickles
		
		(Dylan Leonard)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					I was thinking it'd be right for all the guys on Jersey Shore to have "Craftsman" tattooed on them, but that only applies to quality tools.

				
				
					On 4:10 AM Jan 28th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			DilPickles
		
		(Dylan Leonard)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Sometimes, if it's dark enough, an Elmer's glue stick will look like a Chapstick....but my lips are sealed on this issue.

				
				
					On 9:49 PM Jan 28th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			BorowitzReport
		
		(Andy Borowitz)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Aren't people who are anti-haters kind of haters themselves?

				
				
					On 10:00 PM Jan 28th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			kevinseccia
		
		(kevinseccia)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Apparently I have an inability to not reference drugs and drug-related stories when dining with a friend and her DEA lawyer brother.

				
				
					On 10:07 PM Jan 28th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			davidspade
		
		(David Spade)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					i was kidding when tmz asked me my favorite dinner was  and i said spaghetti and 8 balls. just so evryone knows. it just sounded funny to me

				
				
					On 10:40 PM Jan 28th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			jasoncollings
		
		(Jason Collings)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Well its only 9:15 and I already told a stranger "I will fuck you up"

				
				
					On 5:10 PM Jan 30th 2010
					from UberTwitter


	
		
			
		
		
			paulscheer
		
		(Paul Scheer)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Libraries are like Blockbuster Video Stores for Nerds - e.e. cummings

				
				
					On 8:05 PM Jan 30th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			paulfeig
		
		(Paul Feig)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Aw, crap, I just ate a silica gel pack. Why didn't I take seriously the "Do Not Eat" warning on it? It just looked so effin' delicious.

				
				
					On 10:25 PM Jan 30th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			AriShaffir
		
		(Ari Shaffir)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					I've been awake for 5 hours and have yet to say a word out loud.

				
				
					On 10:44 PM Jan 30th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			azizansari
		
		(Aziz Ansari)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Damn NY is cold. Its like Jay Leno stealing the Tonight Show from Conan cold!

				
				
					On 11:04 PM Jan 30th 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			michaelianblack
		
		(Michael Ian Black)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Favorite comment of the last day. RT @calijf: U STUIPID And gay

				
				
					On 1:09 AM Jan 31st 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			chrisdelia
		
		(Chris D'Elia)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Linking your location to your tweets is kinda like saying, "Hey come rape me real quick."

				
				
					On 1:11 AM Jan 31st 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			joselynhughes
		
		(joselynhughes)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					i want to be the type of girl people like so much, they write about it on bathroom walls.

				
				
					On 1:51 AM Jan 31st 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			jordanrubin
		
		(Jordan Rubin)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					I think I have a brain tumor, but it's probably all in my head.

				
				
					On 4:36 AM Jan 31st 2010
					from Seesmic


	
		
			
		
		
			danecook
		
		(Dane Cook)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Let me tell you the long and the short of it. Better yet just look at my penis.

				
				
					On 5:16 AM Jan 31st 2010
					from Tweetie


	
		
			
		
		
			CharlesTrippy
		
		(Charles Trippy)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Collars are not shirt spoilers. Put them down kiddies ;)

				
				
					On 6:08 AM Jan 31st 2010
					from Tweetie


	
		
			
		
		
			andyerikson
		
		(andy erikson)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					when i was growing up i thought secondhand smoke was just when my mom had the next cigarette she was gonna smoke, ready in her second hand.

				
				
					On 10:38 AM Jan 31st 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			BorowitzReport
		
		(Andy Borowitz)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Just typed "John Edwards/Rielle Hunter sex tape" into Netflix and got "You might also like LIAR, LIAR"

				
				
					On 7:06 PM Jan 31st 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			Henlips
		
		(Henry Phillips)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					The maintenance guy at the airport just told me he'd rather look at girls' poop than guys' poop. No more small talk today.

				
				
					On 8:33 PM Jan 31st 2010
					from mobile web


	
		
			
		
		
			EricStangel
		
		(Eric Stangel)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					How to save the Pro Bowl #14- Give Ed Hochuli what he wants- let him ref greased up in tank top to show off his Situation

				
				
					On 10:20 PM Jan 31st 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			mindykaling
		
		(Mindy Kaling)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					how do I verify my account? tweet my social security number, right?

				
				
					On 10:30 PM Jan 31st 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			comedypace
		
		(Joel Pace)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn't expect to be paid back.

				
				
					On 10:35 PM Jan 31st 2010
					from Tweetie


	
		
			
		
		
			RealJeffreyRoss
		
		(Jeffrey Ross)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Do you believe you can rap???? RT @iamdiddy: Do you believe you can fly????

				
				
					On 11:38 PM Jan 31st 2010
					from Echofon


	
		
			
		
		
			SarahKSilverman
		
		(Sarah Silverman)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Stepped in shit &in a pure dick move threw my sneaks out the car window. Now realize only pair of orthotics were in them. #servesmeright

				
				
					On 12:00 AM Feb 1st 2010
					from Twittelator


	
		
			
		
		
			thesulk
		
		(Alec Sulkin)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					If you've had sex to Van Halen, you're not black.

				
				
					On 12:16 AM Feb 1st 2010
					from Echofon


	
		
			
		
		
			michaelianblack
		
		(Michael Ian Black)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Apparently the music industry is honoring people tonight. I didn't realize there still was a music industry.

				
				
					On 12:48 AM Feb 1st 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			chrisdelia
		
		(Chris D'Elia)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					"You've double parked your whole life taking spaces from others. Now see what its like to park your car BLINDFOLDED. Live or die." #sawXXVII

				
				
					On 1:52 AM Feb 1st 2010
					from UberTwitter


	
		
			
		
		
			samgrizzy
		
		(Sam B Griwold)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					The Black Eyed Peas look like the worst group of superheroes ever formed #Grammys

				
				
					On 1:56 AM Feb 1st 2010
					from TweetDeck


	
		
			
		
		
			SarahKSilverman
		
		(Sarah Silverman)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Sneezing is like wet Tourette's.

				
				
					On 2:16 AM Feb 1st 2010
					from Twittelator


	
		
			
		
		
			BorowitzReport
		
		(Andy Borowitz)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Reality check: TAYLOR SWIFT IS TOTALLY OFF-KEY!!!!! #grammys

				
				
					On 2:48 AM Feb 1st 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			PatGodwin
		
		(Pat Godwin)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					I think Taylor Swift is singing with my Aunt. #grammys

				
				
					On 2:49 AM Feb 1st 2010
					from TweetDeck


	
		
			
		
		
			BorowitzReport
		
		(Andy Borowitz)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					God Hoping Taylor Swift Does Not Thank Him #offkeysinging #grammys

				
				
					On 2:49 AM Feb 1st 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			PatGodwin
		
		(Pat Godwin)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Taylor Swift and my Aunt Shirley are incredibly off-key. #grammys

				
				
					On 2:51 AM Feb 1st 2010
					from TweetDeck


	
		
			
		
		
			BorowitzReport
		
		(Andy Borowitz)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Kanye, where are you when we need you?  #stoptaylorswift #grammys

				
				
					On 2:51 AM Feb 1st 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			jasoncollings
		
		(Jason Collings)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Oh! Ryan Seacerst just said "I know about grills T pain I know about grills." I mean no you don't!!

				
				
					On 3:01 AM Feb 1st 2010
					from UberTwitter


	
		
			
		
		
			ChelseaVPeretti
		
		(Chelsea Peretti)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Is anyone able to volunteer to do a meals on wheels tonight? It's for me

				
				
					On 3:20 AM Feb 1st 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			PatGodwin
		
		(Pat Godwin)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Lil Wayne, your pants on the ground. #grammys

				
				
					On 4:16 AM Feb 1st 2010
					from TweetDeck


	
		
			
		
		
			Apey
		
		(April Richardson)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					"Your honor, they put on a Black Eyed Peas CD, turned it up & locked the doors! My client had no other choice." (Acceptable murder defense.)

				
				
					On 5:00 AM Feb 1st 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			rainnwilson
		
		(RainnWilson)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Here's what I love about the Grammys:  Absolutely nothing.

				
				
					On 5:01 AM Feb 1st 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			jaymohr37
		
		(Jay Mohr)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					The Black Eyed Peas look and sound like a cheering section at a Japanese baseball game.

				
				
					On 5:47 AM Feb 1st 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			birbigs
		
		(Mike Birbiglia)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					just saw a book at border's called "chicken soup for the american idol soul." we're all going to hell.

				
				
					On 6:05 AM Feb 1st 2010
					from TweetDeck


	
		
			
		
		
			rustyrockets
		
		(Russell Brand)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Grammies? Is that how much coke you need to stay awake through em? LooOOOOOOoooong! X

				
				
					On 6:23 AM Feb 1st 2010
					from web


	
		
			
		
		
			thomaslennon
		
		(Thomas Lennon)
		
	
	
		
			
				
					Seems like if you're good at gambling, you're a professional. If you're bad at it, it's an addiction.

				
				
					On 4:02 PM Feb 1st 2010
					from Echofon

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View Comments »

Patricia Cartwright said:

Lol. I had funnn making this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qEUKw91rgI

# 6 February 2011 at 9:24 pm

Patricia Cartwright said:

This is funny, lool. + I had fun making it. FOLLOW ME ON TWITTERRRR. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qEUKw91rgI

# 6 February 2011 at 9:26 pm

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polo fred perry said:

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polo fred perry said:

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