Chris D'Elia Funny Twitter Tweets

Chris D'Elia is certainly a favorite around here as he can be on nearly EVERY Funny Tweet post on this site.  Odd, off the wall and very hilarious… you must go see his live comedy (some of which is featured below in video).  Chris is a Los Angeles based comedian who can be found at The Comedy Store & Laugh Factory in the LA Comedy scene (I do not like using this phrase but cannot come up with anything better at the moment and feel like a douche who just said "That's SO LA").

Chris Explains  "I never really feel like just standing there and telling jokes. I wanna move around. In fact, it's hard for me to write a joke where I don't end up on the ground for some reason. Hey, at least that way I know no comics will steal my shit. Too many bruises."  

Go visit his website and see where he is playing next or friend him on 1 of the major social networks where he is very active. ChrisDelia.com

In a personal interview Chris told us  "Go Visit My website. Clicking something will open up a little window which you can move around and place anywhere you want. It gives you the illusion that you actually have some control on MY website (you don't). Whatever. Clicking "Home" will clear the page of all the stuff you've opened. Have fun."–This is actually on his website, nothing personal about it

Scroll down for Some of His Best Tweets from Twitter & Some Stand Up Video!

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Top Chris D'Elia Twitter Tweets

chrisdelia

(Chris D'Elia)

"Ejaculate" shouldn't just be strictly a sexual term. I should be able to "ejaculate" out of a restaurant (leave quickly). On 8:45 PM Oct 13th 2009 from UberTwitter

chrisdelia

(Chris D'Elia)

I'm pretty good at being able to tell how people's breaths are going to smell without even meeting them. Matt Damon? Bad breath. On 9:12 PM Oct 13th 2009 from UberTwitter

chrisdelia

(Chris D'Elia)

I don't own a gun. But if I did I would carry it around and when people took pictures of me I would always pose with it. On 5:58 PM Oct 13th 2009 from web

chrisdelia

(Chris D'Elia)

Hey, there should be more zombie movies and also more vampire movies. Fuckin' psych. On 9:54 PM Oct 5th 2009 from web

chrisdelia

(Chris D'Elia)

Here's a saying I just made up, "Even the greatest of boobs shall eventually sag." It basically means, "Live it up while you still can." On 7:05 AM Oct 29th 2009 from UberTwitter

chrisdelia

(Chris D'Elia)

I would never follow a girl on twitter because of how hot she is. But I would in real life. On 8:19 AM Oct 25th 2009 from UberTwitter

chrisdelia

(Chris D'Elia)

"Yo we're gonna wear them all night, right bro?" http://pic.gd/8847f4 On 5:12 AM Oct 16th 2009 from UberTwitter

chrisdelia

(Chris D'Elia)

Making love to the Eric Clapton song "It's In The Way That You Use It" at 4 PM with no condom on is the most serious thing you can do. On 10:05 PM Oct 16th 2009 from web

chrisdelia

(Chris D'Elia)

Glenn Beck was for sure the kid that took karate for 8 months when he was 12 and then he thought he could beat up anybody. On 10:58 PM Oct 18th 2009 from web

chrisdelia

(Chris D'Elia)

I've scientifically figured out the most female thing to say ever. It's this; "I just kinda do my own thing." On 6:40 PM Oct 21st 2009 from UberTwitter

chrisdelia

(Chris D'Elia)

When I talk to boring people I wanna shit my pants. When they say "What's that smell?" I'd say "I just shit myself because you're boring." On 1:47 AM Nov 23rd 2009 from web

chrisdelia

(Chris D'Elia)

What makes the faces I do during intercourse so incredible is the fact that I'm so natural about it. I don't force anything. On 10:30 AM Nov 6th 2009 from UberTwitter

chrisdelia

(Chris D'Elia)

The only thing dorkier than being totally obsessed with online gaming is being over 35 and getting into MMA and wearing TAPOUT shirts. On 12:03 AM Nov 8th 2009 from web

chrisdelia

(Chris D'Elia)

This. Fucking. Killed me. http://bit.ly/vlqvM On 11:43 PM Nov 9th 2009 from web

chrisdelia

(Chris D'Elia)

When I see some gay guys I just wanna be like, "Yo we get it. You're gay." On 10:30 PM Nov 10th 2009 from UberTwitter

chrisdelia

(Chris D'Elia)

Dry-humping is THE SHIT (chicks). On 11:33 AM Nov 22nd 2009 from web

chrisdelia

(Chris D'Elia)

Hey, Philip Seymour Hoffman. Just be Phil Hoffman and stop being all like "I have three names". On 12:17 AM Nov 23rd 2009 from web

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