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Hilarious February Tweets

16 February 2010 View Comments

Here are a collection of Funny Tweets from The First Half of February.  Re-live your February via a Twitter Time-line and see what people were Twittering about in a comedic way.

The Best Hilarious Tweets of February

Also if You Would Like Your Funny Tweet to Be Included in Our Next Blog Post Just Tweet Something Funny to @YourFunnyTweets  Using This Tool Here —–>>>

 

We would Like to Thank Matt Braunger Who Brought This Hilarious Video Into Our Life

 

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Just discovered that on my Wikipedia page I'm listed as Matthew "Matt" Braunger. Technically, it's true, but jeez what a shitty nickname. On 3:37 AM Feb 14th 2010 from web

 

Thank You Matt!

 

Seems like if you're good at gambling, you're a professional. If you're bad at it, it's an addiction. On 4:02 PM Feb 1st 2010 from Echofon

my father looked at all my tweets yesterday and said "I don't know who the bigger failure is- you, me or god." On 6:26 AM Feb 2nd 2010 from web

People see the Virgin Mary everywhere: sandwiches, overpasses. They even saw her on the floor in a frat house. She wasn't a virgin for long. On 7:38 AM Feb 2nd 2010 from web

Funniest Transformers 2 quote I ever heard was an @dougbenson show: 'Michael Bay must have been molested by an explosion as a child' On 2:50 PM Feb 2nd 2010 from TweetDeck

the meek shall inherit the earth. probably because the strong are off conquering the rest of the solar system and don't want earth anymore. On 2:52 PM Feb 2nd 2010 from web

PETA wants to replace Punxsutawney Phil with a robot. Yeah. Like a robot's going to be able to predict the weather. Good one PETA! On 4:01 PM Feb 2nd 2010 from TweetDeck

Either my son hates music or music hates my son. Either way, he is practicing the cello. On 12:41 AM Feb 3rd 2010 from web

Cops are looking for a man who robbed a store using scissors. They say the guy could be a real danger–unless you have a rock. #FallonMono On 12:47 AM Feb 3rd 2010 from web

Did you ever sit next to a conversation so inane that you began to rethink your membership to the human race? Well, I am right now. On 1:02 AM Feb 3rd 2010 from UberTwitter

#YouToOld to be selling weed @ 40 -- talkin bout nickels and dimes On 2:11 AM Feb 3rd 2010 from web

I think ten minutes is the maximum time you can take to text me back if you want to have a text relationship with me On 2:44 AM Feb 3rd 2010 from web

Just got booked during Valentine's day weekend. Meaning I won't be home. Tensions running high in the house. I might get voted off. On 2:54 AM Feb 3rd 2010 from web

"Google before you Tweet is the new think before you speak." http://j.mp/GoogleB4Tweeting On 3:06 AM Feb 3rd 2010 from web

There's no easy way to say this, but...I want to see other people. And have sex with them. In front of you. While I'm eating cake. On 3:42 AM Feb 3rd 2010 from web

From now on when I see someone put a status update that's WAY too serious for facebook I'm commenting "I did a pee pee" under it. On 10:58 AM Feb 3rd 2010 from web

Oh my gee, Jason showed me CryingWife.com and I'm fascinated: http://bit.ly/6S7HHe On 10:51 PM Feb 3rd 2010 from TweetDeck

if i could get boners i'd have one right now. fact. On 12:25 AM Feb 4th 2010 from web

Of course gays should serve in the army. Who's better at exercising, polishing things, and making their beds really well? Nobody! On 12:45 AM Feb 4th 2010 from web

Spending today deleting every ex boyfriends # from my phone in preparation for being drunk on Valentines Day. On 1:13 AM Feb 4th 2010 from UberTwitter

being an actor is kind of like signing up to get punched in the face repeatedly with small breaks for really awesome ice cream. On 1:40 AM Feb 4th 2010 from web

[P] Operation "Gain As Much Weight As Humanly Possible While In Texas" is right on schedule so far. On 1:43 AM Feb 4th 2010 from Tweetie

american apparel ads always look like theyre selling rape. On 2:11 AM Feb 4th 2010 from mobile web

I love it when women are like "I've had enough of these pants!" On 2:53 AM Feb 4th 2010 from web

Why is alcoholism the only disease that sounds like a religion? Buddhism, judaism, hinduism...alcoholism. On 2:57 AM Feb 4th 2010 from txt

i didn't see the lost premiere last night so i have no idea what happened. much like the people who did see it On 3:38 AM Feb 4th 2010 from web

@reptilia22 já seeei! mimanda esquilo não samba por e-mail? anexa e manda pr'eu! [duvido que você leia isso ainda pela manhã] On 11:41 AM Jul 18th 2008 from web in reply to reptilia22

"Whose Line Is It Anyway?" is my favorite show about confused cokeheads gathered round a CD case at 4am. On 4:28 AM Feb 4th 2010 from Tweetie

i have my suspicions that a lot of high-ranking military men are gay. explains why their outfits are always bedazzled with ribbons and pins On 4:38 AM Feb 4th 2010 from web

I want to have a one night stand and right before I climax I want to say "That'll be $5.50." On 4:39 AM Feb 4th 2010 from UberTwitter

I'm offering free sterilization to every teenager who leaves negative comments on my youtube videos. On 6:13 AM Feb 4th 2010 from web

Carl's Jr has a new thing called "The Grilled Cheese Bacon Burger." Everyone else has one too...they call them Bacon Cheese Burgers! On 8:23 AM Feb 4th 2010 from web

ever had something dawn on you at dusk? On 10:45 AM Feb 4th 2010 from web

Anytime someone says, "I'm going to join a dating website just so I can laugh at how stupid it is," they've hit rock bottom. #fb On 2:10 PM Feb 4th 2010 from web

The US is returning 2 pandas to China. I assume we couldn't keep up the payments. On 2:54 PM Feb 4th 2010 from web

whenever I want the hotel jacuzzi to myself, I sit facing the jets. No one bothers me when I do that. On 3:27 PM Feb 4th 2010 from web

The Best Peer Pong Dunk Fails - http://bit.ly/b86dMt On 6:28 PM Feb 4th 2010 from web

Everyone should keep an emergency "Shit My Pants" pack in their car. On 6:48 PM Feb 4th 2010 from twidroid

I feel so good today I just want to stand outside a middle school and hand out cigarettes! On 7:36 PM Feb 4th 2010 from web

obama canceled the moon exploration program! now we'll never know why it keeps disappearing every month On 7:38 PM Feb 4th 2010 from web

Just walked to my car, hood on, gangsta; chirped alarm obnxsly in front of evry1. Got in & turned on the car, instantly blasting chick rock. On 8:26 PM Feb 4th 2010 from web

Just walked in on my boyfriend masturbating. He was like "are you mad?". I said, "no but you seem to be" On 10:28 PM Feb 4th 2010 from mobile web

[audio] Area Pie Hole Shut http://onion.com/bF4Tkd On 1:19 AM Feb 5th 2010 from twitterfeed

I bought Activia yogurt but I haven't pooped my pants yet. On 2:05 AM Feb 5th 2010 from web

Super Bowl Fact- The first white quarterback to win the big game was Bart Starr in Super Bowl I... #SB44 On 2:51 AM Feb 5th 2010 from web

Super Bowl Fact: After Giants stunned Patriots in SB XLII, a crazed Bill Belichick choked a clubhouse boy with his hoodie On 2:56 AM Feb 5th 2010 from web

Im @ a bar all by myself and someone from across the way just bought me a drink... A Guy... Thug Life! On 5:36 AM Feb 5th 2010 from txt

Whenever my dad "thinks" he made a good point he walks out right away like he just made an acceptance speech for the Nobel Peace prize. On 5:41 AM Feb 5th 2010 from web

Is it bad my wife and I now refer to ourselves as Snooki and The Situation, respectively? On 6:02 AM Feb 5th 2010 from Tweetie

Put my pinky in yer mother then i tell her that I love her when I smother her in smuckers then put her under covers n fuck her peanut butter On 6:32 AM Feb 5th 2010 from web

does it make anyone else nervous that "armed security positions" are available under the ETC category on craigslist for $9/hr? On 7:08 AM Feb 5th 2010 from web

there's a reason there isn't a female version of 'the pickup artist' and that's because they're called 'hookers.' On 8:36 AM Feb 5th 2010 from web

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck. On 11:27 AM Feb 5th 2010 from Tweetie

Bananas are good for the first bight then after its like "ok, I guess ill eat the rest" On 1:59 PM Feb 6th 2010 from web

Weatherman Freaks Out On Air Over Snowstorm (VIDEO) http://bit.ly/9fJdzm On 9:05 PM Feb 6th 2010 from API

If it wasn't for rental car agencies no one would drive PT Cruisers. On 11:30 PM Feb 6th 2010 from web

Going to Pink Taco for dinner. Which is kind of like saying I'm going to The Jersey Shore for dinner. On 12:02 AM Feb 7th 2010 from web

Safe bet-no one has used the phrase"I will put my fist through your chest" at the Tony awards. On 12:35 AM Feb 7th 2010 from web

6 dudes walking together in the mall doesn't look dumb at all! #sarcasm On 12:39 AM Feb 7th 2010 from UberTwitter

Things that are true for everyone: "I'm happier when I'm high" On 12:45 AM Feb 7th 2010 from web

LMAO!! 2010 Superbowl Commercial --> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4rsEnwKrsvc On 1:18 AM Feb 7th 2010 from Twitterrific

The voice behind Elmo is a African-American man. #BlackHistory On 1:20 AM Feb 7th 2010 from UberTwitter

Supposedly all the Jazz greats were on heroin. And you know what? It kind of sounds like they were. On 1:51 AM Feb 7th 2010 from Tweetie

Just did my butthole kegels, now I'm ready to hit the clubz! #WestHollywood On 1:52 AM Feb 7th 2010 from web

The Hummer limo is really the douche bag chariot. On 3:48 AM Feb 7th 2010 from Tweetie

The couple in the room next door are having sex again. It's horrible. The chick's moaning sounds like a wounded walrus. On 3:55 AM Feb 7th 2010 from web

Right now on Toddlers and Tiaras a black toddler is getting spray tanned. On 4:17 AM Feb 7th 2010 from web

The Superbowl Half Time show was going to be: me having sex with all the cheerleaders from both teams. But the network wouldn't allow it. On 5:58 AM Feb 7th 2010 from web

If douche bag were an ethnicity most of Miami would be Little Duechebag. On 6:59 AM Feb 7th 2010 from Tweetie

There should be a telethon on TLC to raise money for all the people humiliating themselves on their network. On 7:26 AM Feb 7th 2010 from web

I don't pump up the jam. I depress the peanut butter. On 9:27 AM Feb 7th 2010 from web

Tonight will be the first Superbowl where I have a legitimate reason to show my tits! Go Saints! On 3:44 PM Feb 7th 2010 from Tweetie

Hey is there some kind of American football scrimmage today? On 4:42 PM Feb 7th 2010 from Ping.fm

I'm gonna smoke a pre-superbowl super bowl. On 5:14 PM Feb 7th 2010 from web

Hahaha!!RT @DavidCollings: No one ever finds Buddha in prison. Jesus totally has that market cornered. On 6:20 PM Feb 7th 2010 from UberTwitter

RT @DanaJGould Remember the good old days when "smuggling an underwear bomb" meant walking around with shit in your pants? On 6:28 PM Feb 7th 2010 from web

"You f*ckin witmy loot when you late on the child support/She always gimme half of that on the car note" Project Pat Happy Blk History Month On 6:39 PM Feb 7th 2010 from web

The NFL just announced the Fox Sports Robot will not be able to dance during commercial breaks today b/c of Steroid use. On 7:50 PM Feb 7th 2010 from web

I know nothing of football- but the "Who Dat" tweets are making it clear that I should not be rooting for the Saints. On 8:22 PM Feb 7th 2010 from web

Just walked by a child's birthday party with a moonwalk (aka bouncy castle) in the yard & it took EVERY OUNCE OF RESTRAINT to not jump in. On 10:28 PM Feb 7th 2010 from Echofon

Overheard at Favre home "I want to call a press conference." "No Brett. let the SB teams have the attention please" #SB44 On 10:58 PM Feb 7th 2010 from web

WHO DAT SAY THEY ALREADY SICK OF PEOPLE SAYING "WHO DAT" & THEY CAN'T NAME 3 MUHAF*KAS THAT PLAY FOR DA TEAM! #sityobandwagonassdown On 11:28 PM Feb 7th 2010 from web

Queen latifah singing confirms that we running out of black celebs that white people know On 11:28 PM Feb 7th 2010 from Echofon

The Puppy Bowl is an annual reminder that everything is better when it's doggy style. #SB44 On 12:57 AM Feb 8th 2010 from Echofon

'CSI' Set To Perform At Super Bowl Halftime Show http://onion.com/5SeLtO #superbowl #brandbowl On 1:01 AM Feb 8th 2010 from bit.ly

"The Who are totally on key," says Taylor Swift. On 1:05 AM Feb 8th 2010 from Echofon

I love The Who.....but seriously... thank you Janet Jackson for ruining half time.. On 1:05 AM Feb 8th 2010 from txt

Its only befitting that they're in Florida. After halftime they can go back to the retirement community On 1:05 AM Feb 8th 2010 from Echofon

'The Who' should call themselves 'The Was.' On 1:07 AM Feb 8th 2010 from Tweetie

The NFL just announced the Fox Sports Robot will not be able to dance during commercial breaks today b/c of Steroid use. On 7:50 PM Feb 7th 2010 from web

I'm just glad a picture of Dakota Fanning didn't tumble out of Pete Townsend's pocket. On 1:15 AM Feb 8th 2010 from Tweetie

Great halftime show by The Who's Left On 1:22 AM Feb 8th 2010 from Echofon

Just smoked a super bowl. On 2:11 AM Feb 8th 2010 from Echofon

I had a shotgun wedding and a laser tag divorce. On 3:06 AM Feb 8th 2010 from web

RT @OpieRadio: Enjoy the Colts Super Bowl Champions t-shirts Haiti. On 3:25 AM Feb 8th 2010 from Echofon

Favorite pic of the day! http://yfrog.com/33b2aokj On 4:59 AM Feb 8th 2010 from Tweetie

bout to jackoff then go bone the wife like we used to do before we knew each other... #howIkeepthespice On 8:11 AM Feb 8th 2010 from web

Broadcasting from the Bahamas right now. Sunny & 72 on the outside, sleepy & hungover on the inside. On 11:14 AM Feb 8th 2010 from web

4:20am is still 4:20 bitches. #backtobedbonghit On 12:21 PM Feb 8th 2010 from txt

Riddle of the Day: Q: What's the difference between Peyton Manning and a Toyota? A: You can stop Peyton Manning. On 4:17 PM Feb 8th 2010 from web

First step to seeming creepy at the gym: Eye contact. Second step: More eye contact. #neverlookaway On 5:38 PM Feb 8th 2010 from web

HBO making drama abt bloggers. Since dramatic event of day is usually farting while typing, it prob won't resemble our lives On 6:27 PM Feb 8th 2010 from web

Loved using my deep fryer yesterday. Getting adorable acne along my hairline (known at McDonald's corporate as "Grimace kisses"). On 7:43 PM Feb 8th 2010 from web

Just had to watch a commercial on Hulu to watch a commercial from the Super Bowl. Our society is so fucked. On 7:45 PM Feb 8th 2010 from web

I dont want my name name engraved in a floor tile. Id rather not be walked all over...I want my name on a ceiling tile so im above eveyone. On 7:48 PM Feb 8th 2010 from txt

Your life is an open book, mine is an open container. On 7:49 PM Feb 8th 2010 from web

"he who hesitates, masterbates." lmao. On 8:27 PM Feb 8th 2010 from Twitterrific

It makes me sad every time I hear about some super slut getting into a committed relationship. On 9:28 PM Feb 8th 2010 from Tweetie

Hey dinner, why don't you fucking make yourself? On 11:07 PM Feb 8th 2010 from web

Somebody should make a real beverage called, "SHUT THE FUCK UP", so there can be big glasses of it. Fuck. Do I have to think of everything? On 11:07 PM Feb 8th 2010 from web

My friend has a vase on her bridal registry.Whose gonna break it to her that now that she's married she's never getting flowers again? On 11:31 PM Feb 8th 2010 from UberTwitter

Is it sweet nugs or sweet nuggets? I need to purchase whatever they are and I don't want the vendor to tease me. On 11:40 PM Feb 8th 2010 from web

If you hear a hot chick say something is "so random," chances are pretty good that it's not. On 11:44 PM Feb 8th 2010 from Tweetie

my wife is making me watch the Bachelor..I might commit domestic violence. On 1:37 AM Feb 9th 2010 from mobile web

#3wordsaftersex 5 dollars please.. On 2:31 AM Feb 9th 2010 from Twitterrific

Is it quicker to report a murder to twitter or 911? On 2:32 AM Feb 9th 2010 from web

Seeing someone using a pay phone is like seeing someone listening to a cassette Walkman. You don't know if they're retro or terribly poor. On 2:49 AM Feb 9th 2010 from UberTwitter

Went to my old Ralph's which is farther away cause I hate change. When I got there- they were renovating the entire store. Now I hate irony. On 6:44 AM Feb 9th 2010 from web

#4wordsaftersex - you got gas money On 7:55 AM Feb 9th 2010 from Swift

MSNBC is observing Black History Month by having white people talk about it. On 4:10 PM Feb 9th 2010 from Echofon

Took a shower and kept imagining mercenaries breaking down my door, firing bullets from AK-47s into my body. That's so far all I did today. On 4:37 PM Feb 9th 2010 from UberTwitter

Hi @chrisdelia how are you this morning? Oh crazy? Ok. On 4:40 PM Feb 9th 2010 from UberTwitter

Bill O'Reilly has the same likeabilty factor as a stepdad on a Lifetime channel movie. On 6:41 PM Feb 9th 2010 from mobile web

A Phrase To Use When You're Not Worried: "I worry about that less than Magic worries about AIDS" On 7:39 PM Feb 9th 2010 from HootSuite

in vegas this week. not surprised that the city's name starts with a word sounding like "loss." On 7:46 PM Feb 9th 2010 from web

I wish the news would stop depressing us with all the sad snow-related accidental deaths & focus on the murder plans this snow is thwarting. On 8:07 PM Feb 9th 2010 from web

playin lil wayne makes me just wanna party and mean mugg all day - and then I realize the current balance of my bank account. Back to work.. On 8:44 PM Feb 9th 2010 from Twitterrific

White lady in Borders just walked up to me and said "'Scuse me, do you know basketball?" I smiled & said "Nope." You're welcome, Blacks. On 9:16 PM Feb 9th 2010 from twidroid

If I say "Good to see you", & someone replies "It's good to be seen!", no one ever "sees" them again, because I kill them. On 10:19 PM Feb 9th 2010 from txt

Hating Valentine's Day and Father's Day pretty much go hand in hand. On 12:37 AM Feb 10th 2010 from UberTwitter

they say the best revenge is living well. i say the second-best revenge is murder. On 3:25 PM Feb 10th 2010 from web

I wish I was John Mayer's penis. On 4:42 PM Feb 10th 2010 from web

Adults who wear Winnie the Pooh jean jackets or Kermit the Frog leather bomber jackets were probably molested, right? On 4:47 PM Feb 10th 2010 from Echofon

The Federal government has been shut down for 2 days because of weather and the Nation seems to run fine without it. Hmmmm. On 6:13 PM Feb 10th 2010 from web

I'm working from home / It's already 11 / I'm not wearing pants. #bam #haiku On 6:55 PM Feb 10th 2010 from Echofon

When someone says "Bring your A game," it's their way of saying "I'm an A hole." #asstag On 10:17 AM Feb 11th 2010 from mobile web

20,000 Tons Of Pubic Hair Trimmed In Preparation For Valentine's Day http://onion.com/aizFDT On 2:32 PM Feb 11th 2010 from twitterfeed

Twitter is sooooo January of 2010. Whatevs. On 4:14 PM Feb 11th 2010 from Tweetie

The creep traded the grenade and did the robbery on the creature, smushed and made zoo creatures. That is all. On 4:20 PM Feb 11th 2010 from UberTwitter

A big blizzard proves there's no global warming in the same way being out of milk proves there's no such thing as cows. On 4:55 PM Feb 11th 2010 from web

Know why John Mayer only likes white pussies? Because he is one. Hel-Lo!!! On 5:46 PM Feb 11th 2010 from web

"Who's my little butthole detective?!" -fun to say to your dog On 6:49 PM Feb 11th 2010 from txt

@robdelaney I used to say that my dog was always paranusing around. (parading his anus) On 6:50 PM Feb 11th 2010 from TweetDeck in reply to rob delaney

Off to another pilot audition where I play an unemployed slob. I've been rehearsing for 40 years. On 8:28 PM Feb 11th 2010 from web

LMAO! --> @MARLONLWAYANS #johnmayersdingding uses condoms made from sheets. Like a mini kkk hood On 9:13 PM Feb 11th 2010 from Twitterrific

My personalized license plate says "58008" so hopefully I'll get a laugh after my rollover. On 9:28 PM Feb 11th 2010 from web

In order do great things you have to believe in yourself. You know who really believed In himself? Jesus. On 10:31 PM Feb 11th 2010 from Tweetie

Do u think Jesus ever looks down from heaven and thinks "These people just weren't worth it"? On 10:45 PM Feb 11th 2010 from Tweetie

…Maybe Tiger and Toyota should team up for a comeback with the slogan: “Tiger and Toyota, we swear we can stop.” #FallonMono On 1:22 AM Feb 12th 2010 from web

God, girls'd be the best if they weren't the worst. On 4:17 AM Feb 12th 2010 from Echofon

they just explained how to change the settings on the new facebook update on NBC local news. what is the world coming to. On 7:38 AM Feb 12th 2010 from web

Hey All You 'Bill Me Later' Motherfuckers, Guess What Today Is? http://onion.com/bfaRXS On 2:00 PM Feb 12th 2010 from twitterfeed

Tell that to Jazzy Jeff RT @yvettenbrown "U can tell how far yr LIFE & CAREER will go by the 5 ppl you spend the most time with."-Will Smith On 3:19 PM Feb 12th 2010 from web

"SIT! Yo Five Dollar ass down...before I make change."- Nino Brown 'New Jack City' Happy Black History Month #thuglife On 6:09 AM Feb 13th 2010 from web

In Winter Olympics, why no snowball fights? On 6:30 PM Feb 13th 2010 from web

How is ice dancing considered an Olympic sport and lap dancing isn't? On 6:21 PM Feb 13th 2010 from web

I was surprised to hear Brokaw refer to Michael Jackson as a baby boomer. I thought those were just allegations. On 7:01 PM Feb 13th 2010 from mobile web

Going to take some time off Twittering. I've run out of funny, interesting things to say in real life. On 9:01 PM Feb 13th 2010 from Tweetie

75% of women who say 'G-strings are more comfortable than regular underwear', know that men hear 'I like things in my butt'. On 9:08 PM Feb 13th 2010 from web

"Are you sure you want to delete this item?" "To undelete, press 1." Why must you make me so unsure of my decisions, technology? On 9:13 PM Feb 13th 2010 from web

Sure sign of being ignored is saying, "Hey, it's me again… give me a call." on someone's voicemail. On 10:17 PM Feb 13th 2010 from TweetDeck

@MARLONLWAYANS yo face look like a pair fresh gator dress shoes On 11:28 PM Feb 13th 2010 from web in reply to marlon wayans

@OGOchoCinco nigga u look like a dead camel On 11:28 PM Feb 13th 2010 from Power Twitter in reply to Chad Ochocinco

@OGOchoCinco u look like an old JUNIOR MINT On 11:30 PM Feb 13th 2010 from Power Twitter in reply to Chad Ochocinco

@MARLONLWAYANS you look like a down syndrome AVATAR On 11:30 PM Feb 13th 2010 from web in reply to marlon wayans

@OGOchoCinco you look like a retarded kid's doo doo On 11:31 PM Feb 13th 2010 from Power Twitter in reply to Chad Ochocinco

@OGOchoCinco your teeth so bucked they had to knock the front window out your hummer for u to drive it On 11:36 PM Feb 13th 2010 from Power Twitter in reply to Chad Ochocinco

@OGOchoCinco man you hair so bad your scalp is nappy On 11:41 PM Feb 13th 2010 from Power Twitter in reply to Chad Ochocinco

@MARLONLWAYANS u look like Jaimee Fox when he played WANDA from N LIVIN COLOR On 11:43 PM Feb 13th 2010 from web in reply to marlon wayans

@OGOchoCinco you look like a bad grape. the last one in the bowl nobody want On 11:44 PM Feb 13th 2010 from Power Twitter in reply to Chad Ochocinco

Bad sign: my cat will lick her own butt, but not eat the meat in Chunky Soup. On 12:53 AM Feb 14th 2010 from Tweetie

Would love to see them combine the skiing and shooting event with the ski long jump. Dodging bullets while flying should add ten meters. On 1:46 AM Feb 14th 2010 from web

Breakfast In Tiffany #sappyporn On 2:15 AM Feb 14th 2010 from TweetDeck

Rear , John #sappyporn On 2:19 AM Feb 14th 2010 from TweetDeck

A Butt Last Night #sappyporn On 2:21 AM Feb 14th 2010 from TweetDeck

RT @qhardy: Tit antic #sappyporn On 2:28 AM Feb 14th 2010 from TweetDeck

Meet Joe, Black! #sappyporn On 2:29 AM Feb 14th 2010 from TweetDeck

If you want to see what's wrong with society, Google "Why do guys like..." and see the most popular searches. Darkness. On 2:34 AM Feb 14th 2010 from TweetDeck

RT @botzini: Pleasantfill #sappyporn #p2 On 2:42 AM Feb 14th 2010 from TweetDeck

Love, Assually #sappyporn On 2:44 AM Feb 14th 2010 from TweetDeck

RT @HLindskold: @lizzwinstead @Shoq Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Fisterhood #sappyporn On 2:46 AM Feb 14th 2010 from TweetDeck

[P] You've Got Male #sappyporn On 2:49 AM Feb 14th 2010 from web

Barely Legally Blonde #sappyporn On 2:54 AM Feb 14th 2010 from TweetDeck

Someone needs to tell Will.I.Am he isn't Morpheus. Don't dress like that Will.I.Am. In fact, from now on, I'm calling you Morph.You.Aint. On 3:44 AM Feb 14th 2010 from web

I take back what I said about the Olympics. I am exhausted from pleasuring myself to the Women's Moguls. On 7:25 AM Feb 14th 2010 from web

I learned that some people eat 8 meals before taking a dump. Which means some people are almost always full of shit. On 2:30 PM Feb 14th 2010 from txt

Valentine's Day to do list: jog, get self-worth, threaten an ex with suicide, kegel exercises. On 5:53 PM Feb 14th 2010 from UberTwitter

You know what would be a horrible way to die? Getting shot through the heart with an arrow by a naked, flying baby. On 6:41 PM Feb 14th 2010 from Seesmic

Oh shit!! Laughed so hard! RT @DavidCollings: Valentine's Day should really be called Women's day. On 7:06 PM Feb 14th 2010 from UberTwitter

Would like to hear biathletes yell, "Say hello to my little friend" when pulling out the rifle. On 7:30 PM Feb 14th 2010 from TwitterGadget

I like to have my sex and eat it, too. On 7:34 PM Feb 14th 2010 from Tweetie

I hate the word "vajayjay." Just say vagina. You're not a child. On 10:49 PM Feb 14th 2010 from web

Just heard a six year-old say, "Bitch, what the what?" On 11:01 PM Feb 14th 2010 from TwitBird iPhone

Guys who wear dog tags and aren't in the army should have their wallet taken from them and be killed so the dog tags are necessary. On 11:33 PM Feb 14th 2010 from UberTwitter

If they gave out Olympic medals for Botox, Bob Costas would take the gold. On 11:43 PM Feb 14th 2010 from Echofon

Any guy with no girlfriend who takes a girl out on Valentine's Day for the fun of it secretly has a vagina under his balls. On 12:04 AM Feb 15th 2010 from UberTwitter

Valentine's Day: Jessica Biel plays a perilously thin woman who supposedly eats chocolates constantly! On 1:13 AM Feb 15th 2010 from Echofon

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View Comments »

  • nbcowsay said:

    nbcowsay…

    nbcowsay…

    # 26 March 2010 at 3:20 pm

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