July Wrap Up
3 August 2010
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Let's go back in time to July of 2010 for a funny review of what happened. These funny tweets cover the 2nd half of July and run in chronological order. There are plenty of funny tweets down below…thank you for stopping by and enjoy!
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At Deja Vu with @ryandalton in Columbia, Mo, watching drunk 19 yr olds grind. Feel like a zoologist studying a new species mating habits.
Most days I feel like a drink umbrella, kinda cute but completely unneccesary.
Was Justin Bieber the bait girl on "To catch a Predator?"
Struggling High School Cuts Football—Nah, Just Kidding, Art It Is http://onion.com/bJup3j
Note to self: Never dare a white person to do something.....becuz they will
NAACP calls Tea Party racist. Given what the CP stands for, it's a case of the pot calling the kettle African American.
i'm a pro at crastinating.
Doctor said I need to lower my body fat and get more sunlight. Diagnosis: British.
How come Mel Gibson didn't have any Australian accent in that tirade of a phone call? Because that's some AMERICAN SHIT. :(
"Wise men talk because they have something to say. Fools talk because they have to say something."
I have a Disney hangover… my wallet's empty, my sunburned head is killing me and I don't remember if I had fun or not.
I should get a star on the Walk of Shame.
I like my women like i like my hangover, gone by the time i get out of bed.
New sex move! "The Friendly Sanchez"- You're bangin a chick & right when you're about to come, lean in & whisper "I love you"
The "Welcome to Las Vegas" sign should say "Don't be an asshole" underneath it.
I am black tonight. So naturally, I am Denzel Washington.
Shout out 2 the dude who made me feel pretty on 2nd ave. U aced the polite cat call. See, boys, there's a way 2 do it. Step 1: be white.
Even when it comes to letters, deaf people have to sign their names.
Quote: "A succesful man makes more money than his woman can spend. A succesful woman is 1 who can find such a man." ;) via @mrplay
An ability to lose gracefully only proves you've had lots of practice.
Wait just now on Peters (Family Guy) list of celebrities he don't like was "every rapper." Hilarious.
Justin Timberlake is in that new Facebook movie. Also I heard next year they're making a Myspace movie with Ricky Martin.
I only seem like a smartass because I'm surrounded by dumbasses
#MorningConfessions My penis is up before me. Everyday.
Morning radio played Alien Ant Farm and 311 today... Apparently on my way in to High School.
I refuse to take a magazine subscription offer seriously until the sixth card falls into my lap.
Home sick with the flu. Taking my temperature in the butt every 5 mins just to be safe.
My parents visited Sunday. My ass will be thanking me for weeks. (Explanation: they buy me nicer toilet paper than I'd ever get for myself.)
Sometimes, I feel like the lone french fry in a box of onion rings.
Here's irony - Lindsay Lohan is going to jail. Roman Polanski is not.
Obama's Fifth Gulf Coast Visit Really Helps A Lot http://onion.com/cN89Zd
And why does everyone watch porn now? What happened to porno? Where did the 'oh' go?
I once made out with my cousin. At first he said no, but I incested.
I don't see why this is a big deal. Lindsay Lohan's spray tan was already "Inmate Orange."
Spanish speaking men need to realize that a lot more white women these days understand what they're saying.
For a piece of male, you need a tramp stamp.
#Food4Thought Women wear fake hair, fake nails, fake boobs & padded bras but want a dude to keep it 100% Real RT @MARLONLWAYANS
@MARLONLWAYANS If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
For @glennbeck, easy cure for blindess: stop masturbating to the sound of your own bullshit. Good luck.
Drug addict is the most convincing role Lindsay Lohan has ever played.
When the Incredible Hulk gets even angrier, he turns into Mel Gibson.
Look....I'm just trying to help....DO NOT google Bridget the midget....you will regret it
Nothin funnier than a nigga being caught on cheaters and not giving a fuck. "Its over, and now you homeless bitch" lmao
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
#failedcomeonline get in the trunk.
Heisman committee is debating on taking Reggie Bush's trophy. Man...even OJ got to keep his.
Ugly people should be required 2 have the "Fail Whale" as their profile pic
The Statue of Liberty was evacuated today due to smoke around the elevators. Smoke? Well, it was a gift from the French.
I can't curse but rihanna can sing "rude boy can u get it up" at the teen choice awards. Smh
I know tons of malfunctioning alcoholics.
Asked Mark Ingram if he'd sell Reggie Bush his Heisman
Iowa man who just wanted a hug lands in jail... Let's be honest, we've all been one hug away from a little jail time.
Just saw a chick with a nice Louie bag and a McDonalds uniform on. #prioritize
They say the new airport body scanners don't show your whole deal, but I make sure to chub up my dong a bit just in case.
Slackne (n.) - Acne that's 100% preventable if you'd just stop passing out on the couch w/ all ur make-up on night after night, Kim. Christ.
From now on when a girl gets done telling a story she has to say "That's the end of my story" so guys know when it's supposed to be over.
If you look yourself up on the internet, is it called "google-bating" or "master-googling"? (or narciswebism?)
Dear California: I'm developing diabetes from all your eye candy.
Chris Isaak may replace Simon on Idol. My vote is for Mel Gibson. How great will it be to hear him call a contestant a “c*nt, bitch, whore?”
I always get Iowa and Idaho confused, but here's a little trick to help you remember: they're both super insignificant.
I try not to stereotype while driving but a lot of those guys really Asian-it-up out there.
On the way to the boat, younger son asks if he was an "accident". Laughed, said no. Praying older son does not ask.
Whenever black comics imitate white people in their acts they sound mostly like Tony Gwynn...
if you haven't yet lost faith in humanity, but you still want to, read the comments below the articles on Yahoo! News.
Just met a Mexican dude named Ignacio aka 'Nacho'. Is that normal? That'd be like a blk dude nicknamed 'Ribs' right? #confused
So BUMMED I'm not at Comic Con. I need more grown men dressed as cartoon characters in my life.
Snsteve Jobs is the CEO of Snapple.
When Vanna White got married, she and her husband exchanged vowels.
RT @conanobrienswyf
Can't we just start calling DJs "laptop users"?
#CNN gave me an idea.The next time my wife sees that I have left the place a mess, I will say, "It's a cleanup effort."
Fox News is where information goes to get a sex change.
I find the sound of faraway sirens comforting because I know it's a 'somebody else' problem.
Not totally bummed out. It's more of a tropical depression...
I wanna be a billionaire so I can buy the rights to that song and make sure it never plays on the radio again
Yard Sales! I love watching people put a price on their memories then telling them that price is too expensive.
Do erections count as personal growth?
The Four Square app is great because it let's me know the location of people I would never have asked or cared about their whereabouts.
Man I was watching @OGOchoCinco show and I said "when did. Flavor flav cut his hair and put on a good suit. And shit big rick loss weight"
Overheard at Comic Con--"dude you could almost see the side part of her boob!!!"
Football season has officially began when @OGOchoCinco starts talking lol you gotta love it
Ha, my recently devirginized friend is having a pregnancy scare-its like watching someone pay their taxes for the first time.
Guess what movie me and my wife are going to see tonight? If you guessed nothing I want to see, you're right.
Only white people get drunk and eat spiders on a dare.
What's more insulting, calling this guy "boss" or "chief." I want to make sure I piss him off as much as possible.
RT @mshowalter: "in line at Starbucks behind THE Steven Speilberg" wow! i didn't even know he drank coffee. i thought he drank magic.
The woman next to me seems to have forgotten what personal space is - my elbow has graciously volunteered to remind her
Looking forward to watching Mad Men tonight. Christina Hendricks is the second sexiest redhead in Hollywood. Congrats, Ron Howard!
LA & NYC, where beautiful people move to become average.
If u wanna piss yo girl off while yall arguing jus cut her off and say "teach me how to dougie"
Heading back to NC. Supposed to be 101 degrees. That's the temperature at which fog turns to fire.
Sometime U Gotta Read The Fine Print When Going To A Certain Church!! WhereTheyDoThisAt? WTF!!!!? http://tweetphoto.com/34912808
The Raiders beat themselves every season by suiting up. #FACT
Just found out Chuck Norris's real name is Carlos! Unacceptable! What next? Nicholas Cage using a fake name! Vin Diesel!
I just saw a man who's sneakers turn into roller skates. The prob with that's statement is the word MAN. The correct word should be toddler.
1 thing Chuck Norris can't do is out smoke Snoopdogg. U HEAR ME!!
FYI: it is illegal in 36 states to have a pic up of u from 20 pounds ago
Angelina Jolie is joining Twitter. If she thinks she can lure away my core audience of young male teens she.....I'm screwed.
Chatroulette wants to eliminate nudity. The two remaining users will have a great conversation.
My favorite types of pot in order:
1) Free
2) Pete's OG Kush
3) Runoff combo from multiple grindings.
Fine China breaks easily, because it was Made in China.
All the unemployed tweeters are going to get the jobs of the employed tweeters who lose thier jobs because they're tweeting too much.
There should be an iPhone app that translates Fox News into news.
RT @chez_whitey #IfBETbought CBS, we'd be watching "Big Brotha" <-- LOL! Perfect Timing. here we go.
#IfBETbought TLC We'd be watch 'Jon & Kate Plus 8, plus the 2 he got in ATL Plus the 3 he got in Daytona' #shawnkemptweet
#IfBETbought NBC... Deal or No Deal would be called, "Open the Case, Bitch"
You know what keeps me up at night? Pauly Shore has turned down more hot women than I will ever, ever meet.
Pauly. Shore.
Yeah it's on now http://twitpic.com/29amq4
@OGOchoCinco, MUCHO TO-CHO!
Bengals games r gonna be like Essence Music Festival minus the black girls.
I liked Toy Story 3 so much I got a Woody.
NFL BREAKING: Al Davis just made an offer to buy the Cincinnati Bengals...
RT @TONYROCK: T.O and Ochocinco should combine they're dating shows and call it 'The Blackchelors' lol!
Calrson Palmer is gonna get his own reality show called "Me and My N****ers"
The words "Illegal" and "Sexual" very much change the meaning of Alien Versus Predator.
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Great blog post, I have been after something like that
Gertrude
Good article, thanks! I really love it.
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