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BP Oil Spill Jokes From Twitter

1 June 2010 View Comments

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We have compiled and re-organized our list of BP Jokes that just keeps expanding, check back each week for even more jokes.  

I'd like to thank BP for showing us how NOT to celebrate America.  They are, after all, British Petroleum.  Maybe this is England's "Pay Back Plan" as they are still upset over the Revolutionary War, The Boston Tea Party, The War of 1812 or the fact that we took and made Simon Cowell insanely famous #nottrue….

Twitter is buzzing with some Great Jokes about BP and this fiasco and yes I included the very funny BPGlobalPR

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Want to Be on the Next Funny-Tweets.com Post....Just Grab My Attention on with the @ or Follow. THANKS For Stopping By! #whodey On 4:26 PM Jun 1st 2010 from web

I love that there are ads before you can watch the oil spill live web stream. On 6:38 PM May 20th 2010 from TweetDeck

#badoilspilljokes does this mean the Cubans who swim over to Miami will be mistaken for Hatians? On 5:48 PM May 22nd 2010 from web

Thousands of people are attacked by sea creatures every year. We at BP are dedicated to bringing that number down. You're welcome! On 1:09 AM May 23rd 2010 from Twitterrific

BP's mile-long pipe isn't sucking up as much as it once did. Which reminds me, I have to call my ex. On 5:25 PM May 23rd 2010 from Twitter for iPhone

Please do NOT take or clean any oil you find on the beach. That is the property of British Petroleum and we WILL sue you. On 11:11 PM May 23rd 2010 from Twitterrific

What exactly is BP's expertise? destruction? The only think they have shown they know how to skim off the top is PROFITS On 6:07 PM May 24th 2010 from TweetDeck

Bonfire/Boat Party tonight in the gulf. No fatties, BYOB. #bpcares On 10:50 PM May 24th 2010 from web

British Petroleum Jelly® Because we know how to fuck you the best! On 2:21 AM May 25th 2010 from Twittelator

IDEA: Why don't we try to plug the oil leak with BP executives? On 11:44 AM May 25th 2010 from web

Before my kids start a craft I tell them they'll need a clean up plan. What I'm trying to say here: I'm smarter than the US government. On 2:51 PM May 25th 2010 from Echofon

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If Top Kill doesn't work, we're just gonna toss a giant "Get Well Soon" card into the gulf and hope for the best. #bpcares On 4:14 PM May 26th 2010 from web

Junk Shot & Top Kill... BP's attempts to stop an environmental disaster? Or 2 mediocre movies starring Mark Wahlberg & Justin Long? On 5:45 PM May 26th 2010 from TweetDeck

Lots of people blaming this on Bush or Obama. Pph, we wish. The truth is Presidents don't have any control over what we do. #bpcares On 10:04 PM May 26th 2010 from web

This horrible spill wouldn't be happening in the gulf of AMERICA! Arizona knows what I'm talking 'bout!! #fistpound #bpcares On 9:21 PM May 27th 2010 from web

We plan on spending millions of dollars to fix this mess. We also plan on jacking gas prices so high that you'll wish you never complained. On 10:54 PM May 27th 2010 from web

Hey BP- Just an idea-Is there a way you can hook up a few gas pumps to that oil spill and let everyone fill up for free? You're welcome. On 11:27 PM May 27th 2010 from web

Dear BP… glad to see the mud is working better than the golf balls and old tires. While your last-ditching it, why not call McGyver? On 1:35 AM May 28th 2010 from TweetDeck

Junk Shot, Top Kill. Why do all the oil containment techniques sound like hardcore bands? Next method: Corrosion of Conformity. On 4:19 AM May 30th 2010 from web

Love it or hate it. you gotta admit that oil spill is putting up a helluva fight. This should be on Pay-Per-View. On 12:39 PM May 30th 2010 from web

British Petroleum: Top killing 100,000 birds with one stone. On 3:39 PM May 30th 2010 from Twittelator

BP's latest strategy to stop leak, Operation Fingers Crossed, doesn't instill much confidence. On 1:27 PM May 31st 2010 from web

When is BP going to give up on all of these "experimental plans" and come up with an actual "plan?" On 9:18 PM Jun 1st 2010 from TweetDeck

If we're being accused of being criminals, we want to be tried by a jury of our peers- wealthy execs who don't give a damn. #fairisfair On 9:44 PM Jun 1st 2010 from Twitterrific

Just got 100k followers and our oil is headed to Florida. You know what this means... WE'RE GOING TO DISNEYWORLD! #bpcares On 1:58 AM Jun 2nd 2010 from web

BP Proposes Diverting Oil into Guatemalan Sinkhole #clueless On 1:20 PM Jun 2nd 2010 from web

I wish I could do as BP does and just stand around and watch my problems get worse. But no, I have to do and do. On 6:18 PM Jun 2nd 2010 from web

Saw the most vivid rainbow today. Followed it all the way to the end, then got punched in the dick by BP. On 12:13 AM Jun 4th 2010 from web

Pretty much every update BP gives on what they're doing to stop the leak inspires a "that's what she said." On 12:59 AM Jun 4th 2010 from web

BREAKING: BP Tries Adding Balsamic Vinegar to Oil On 9:59 PM Jun 5th 2010 from web

BP?? Bitch, please! On 10:37 PM Jun 5th 2010 from mobile web

Darn! I just spilled milk on the floor. Oh well, at least I didn't spill 100 million gallons of oil into the gulf of Mexico. On 11:28 PM Jun 5th 2010 from web

Just hired an oil whisperer to teach us how to be dominant over the oil. Tsssssssst! #bptames On 11:15 PM Jun 5th 2010 from TweetDeck

BP Says It Has Successfully Contained Flow of Information About Spill On 9:24 PM Jun 7th 2010 from web


England vs. USA recap: "Football": England 1 - USA 1 : "Crapping in the other's Gulf": England 54 - USA 0 ^Tony On 8:38 PM Jun 12th 2010 from web

The England goalkeeper had BP oil on his hands. On 8:46 PM Jun 12th 2010 from web

We are not killing animals in the gulf, we are creating fossils in the gulf. Have a little perspective. #bpcares On 10:18 PM Jun 13th 2010 from TweetDeck

Investing a lot of time & money into cleaning up our image, but the beaches are next on the to-do list for sure. #bpcares On 3:19 AM Jun 14th 2010 from web

"Would you like your fish premium or unleaded?" #ThanksBP On 6:28 PM Jun 14th 2010 from web

Getting to the point now where we should just try to get the water out of the oil. On 5:27 AM Jun 16th 2010 from Twitter for iPhone

Holy crap- have you seen how cool the oil leak looks on a Panasonic 3D TV? On 11:57 PM Jun 16th 2010 from web

Projectile vomitted at the gym yesterday as a result of the sun being pissed off... Thanks a lot BP On 2:23 AM Jun 17th 2010 from Twitter for Android

I used to have to kick a sandcastle to ruin a child’s day. Now I just throw a match at it. That's progress. ^Tony On 4:14 AM Jun 17th 2010 from web

How dare I criticize BP when I just took my chewing gum out of my mouth and tossed it into a bush? #cantwalkthewalk On 8:13 AM Jun 17th 2010 from Twitter for BlackBerry®

BP has placed an ad on Craigslist, looking for "someone who knows shit about oil leaks." On 9:41 AM Jun 17th 2010 from Echofon

The Starbucks in Sarasota can't make coffee due to a tainted water line. I blame BP for the taint. On 12:38 PM Jun 17th 2010 from TweetDeck

So which side of the oil spill issue are you on? I can't say I support it, but I think we should hear what it has to say. On 1:30 PM Jun 17th 2010 from TweetDeck

Wish that fucking Twitter whale died in the #oilspill On 2:09 PM Jun 17th 2010 from Echofon

Sitting on beach. Spilled tanning oil all over the place. Had no idea how to clean it up. Left it for someone else to fix. On 8:10 PM Jun 20th 2010 from web

No idea why carne asada is trending on Twitter in LA, but if BP fucked up carne asada some how, I'm gonna be fucking PISSED. On 3:04 AM Jun 21st 2010 from web

Ever spill something that just keeps on spilling and won't stop? If so, is that really a spill? #questionsthatkeepmeupatnight On 11:12 AM Jun 21st 2010 from web

I started playing the new Facebook game, Oilville, but now I can't make it stop. On 12:12 PM Jun 21st 2010 from web

Day 63 and Al Sharpton still hasn't figured out a way to inject himself into the Gulf spill crisis. On 3:00 PM Jun 21st 2010 from web

Tony Hayward yachting in the very water he spilled oil in? Definition of too soon. That's like if Elin catches Tiger Woods jerking off. On 3:35 PM Jun 21st 2010 from web

"Putting more birds in oil than KFC" #NewBPSlogan On 5:14 PM Jun 21st 2010 from web

We have begun the process of collecting our crude oil in biodegradable spill-proof containers: pelicans. #bpcares On 7:29 PM Jun 21st 2010 from web

Headline: "The Devil says BP execs not welcome in Hell. Looking forward to meeting Joran van der Sloot." On 7:57 PM Jun 21st 2010 from web

Rick Ross look like the BP Oil Spill got up and started rapping. On 1:23 AM Jun 28th 2010 from UberTwitter

Oil well, that ends well On 11:03 AM Jun 28th 2010 from Ping.fm

why does looking at animals covered in oil make me sad, but looking at animals covered in oil and deep-fried make me hungry? On 3:56 AM Jun 30th 2010 from SocialOomph

Don't believe the media. I've seen many animals that couldn't be happier covered in oil. On 9:12 PM Jun 30th 2010 from Twitterrific

 

I predicted the Gulf Oil Spill. Know how? I'm an 'environ mentalist'. I can look into the future and see Mother Nature is fucked. On 5:09 AM Jul 4th 2010 from web
Oil Spill has such a negative connotation. I prefer to call it 'Sunscreen Infused Ocean Water' On 9:46 PM Jul 4th 2010 from web
I'm headed down to the Gulf Shore and get my oil changed. Thanks BP! On 1:39 AM Jul 6th 2010 from ÜberTwitter
The news gets worse: BP says the oil in the Gulf will need to be changed every six months. On 11:32 AM Jul 7th 2010 from Echofon
The BP spill is now the second-worst leak in US history, after Michael Steele's mouth. On 11:43 AM Jul 7th 2010 from Echofon
MEL GIBSON & BP should send gift baskets to LEBRON JAMES for temporarily distracting us from how gross they both are. On 10:16 PM Jul 9th 2010 from web
BP is optimistic that latest attempt to cap oil well could officially be deemed a failure by as early as next Wednesday On 10:12 PM Jul 11th 2010 from web
Hearing BP say it's close to containing the leak sounds suspiciously like "just the tip" to me. On 2:32 AM Jul 12th 2010 from web
Just heard all the oysters in the Gulf are dead... Whatever, can you believe Lyndsey Lohan's in jail?!!!!!!!!!!!! On 2:56 AM Jul 12th 2010 from web
BP should change its name to DP because America is getting fucked in both ends. On 5:05 PM Jul 12th 2010 from web
BP trying a tighter cap on the well. I can hear my Dad. "It's like I told you kids with the toothpaste, you gotta screw it on all the way." On 10:37 PM Jul 12th 2010 from web
So we can get the new iPhone to work, but we can't fix an oil leak? Oh, wait, we can't do either. On 1:45 PM Jul 15th 2010 from Echofon
The only way this gets funnier is if we find out that Mel Gibson is working for BP or dating Lindsay Lohan. Both of which seem possible now. On 6:15 PM Jul 15th 2010 from Twitter for iPhone
Now that the oil spill has stopped what's the odds on a giant mutated sea beast attacking the gulf coast godzilla style. On 9:18 PM Jul 15th 2010 from Twitter for BlackBerry®
BREAKING NEWS: BP stopped the flow of water into the Oil of Mexico. On 9:32 PM Jul 15th 2010 from web
Who would have thought a heavy cap could stop a leak? Shows what I know. I still liked the golf ball idea. On 9:49 PM Jul 15th 2010 from web
BP basically took a 3 month long shit and finally wiped their ass today, but they still have yet to flush the toilet. On 11:43 PM Jul 15th 2010 from web
BREAKING NEWS BP USES BITCH ASS NIGGAZ TO CLOG OIL LEAK!! On 3:02 AM Jul 13th 2010 from web
The Gulf of Mexico needs an oil change. On 5:32 AM Jul 13th 2010 from web
BP just hired a new CEO... Mel Gibson. They're hoping to clean up both their images using "so bad it's good" philosophy. On 2:09 AM Jul 14th 2010 from Twitterrific
#GodIfYouHaveTime can you prepare us for the gas prices that are about to go up? The leak is sealed but I'm waiting on the bill. On 8:47 PM Jul 17th 2010 from ÜberTwitter
Obama's Fifth Gulf Coast Visit Really Helps A Lot http://onion.com/cN89Zd On 2:00 PM Jul 19th 2010 from API
EXCLUSIVE ANNOUNCEMENT: Am I going to retire? Why would I? I get paid to act like an asshole! On 5:10 PM Jul 21st 2010 from web

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  • Tweets that mention Last of May | BP Oil Spill Twitter Jokes & Much More Funny Tweets of Twitter | -- Topsy.com said:

    [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Rick Stilwell and Brook Bristow, Adam Moore. Adam Moore said: Last of May | BP Oil Spill Twitter Jokes & Much More Funny Tweets of Twitter | http://bit.ly/clKIPp [...]

    # 2 June 2010 at 12:45 pm
  • Bernie said:

    Finally some good news from BP: Local fishermen are reporting that the tuna they are catching are getting 35 MPG

    # 9 July 2010 at 2:19 pm
  • BP's BS said:

    uh huh… like the media is going to lie about BP being absolutely Morons and not knowing how to clean up after themselves… sure, the media is lying when Tony Hayward just told all of Earth that he doesn't think that the oil spill will have a large effect on our envirenment. Bull Shit.

    # 14 July 2010 at 4:40 am
  • Ross205 said:

    Who lived in a pineapple under the sea? spongbob squarpants!who died of a oil spill because of bp! spongbob squar pants

    # 21 July 2010 at 2:29 am

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