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Mel & Lebron + 1st Half of July

19 July 2010 View Comments

As much as I tried to avoid Mel Gibson and Lebron James I simply couldn't as everyone's Twitter Timelines were engulfed with jokes about the 2 stars.  

This Funny-Tweet post covers the first part of July from the 1st to the15th and is full of All sorts of humor and jokes….NOT JUST Mel & Lebron Jokes.  

*The 4th of July isn't included in this post as I created a special 4th of July Twitter Tweet Post Here

*The VERY Popular BP Oil Spill Jokes Post will be updated later this week with even more BP Jokes to add.

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Driver taking me from airport to hotel: "you in any movies?" me: "no". Rest of ride= silence On 8:17 PM Jul 1st 2010 from Twitter for iPhone

Mira, I'm yust glad Mel Gibson doesn't hate Mexicans......yet. On 8:30 PM Jul 1st 2010 from web

You look like a pig in heat and if you get raped by a bunch of n*ggers it will be your fault. (Mel Gibson. Lemme guess, blame it on the) On 9:17 PM Jul 1st 2010 from web

Is it Canada Day or Canada D'eh? On 8:57 PM Jul 1st 2010 from web

WILL'S MAN TIP 34. No more middle finger while driving away and much more middle finger while walking towards. On 9:12 PM Jul 1st 2010 from web

I saw this coming. Mel Gibson once refused to pet my chihuahua simply because he caught us stealing his piano. Racist. On 9:24 PM Jul 1st 2010 from Twitter for iPhone

Damn any celebs trying to get in trouble for saying racist stuff, step your game up. MEL GIBSON IS KILLING IT RIGHT NOW! On 9:33 PM Jul 1st 2010 from web

Nothing motivates quite like spite. On 9:41 PM Jul 1st 2010 from txt

to be fair, some of Mel Gibson's best friends are packs of raping niggers. On 9:46 PM Jul 1st 2010 from Ping.fm

I'm currently on a flight to LA. Flight Attendant: "Headed home?" Me: "Yeah. " Her: "Knew it. You seem very LA." Puke. On 10:10 PM Jul 1st 2010 from web

I'm not having a kid until they come with built-in mute buttons. On 11:07 PM Jul 1st 2010 from TweetCaster

Calm down you guys, I'm not being a racist. Like I said, racism is a hate crime, and only Black people commit crimes. On 11:08 PM Jul 1st 2010 from web

it's canada day, so to all my canadian followers out there i say, "happy fourth of july in three days." On 2:34 AM Jul 2nd 2010 from SocialOomph

I want to have sex with a girl and when she cums, she makes the same noise Serena Williams makes when she serves On 2:05 AM Jul 2nd 2010 from ÜberTwitter

Supreme Court Rules Supreme Court Rules http://onion.com/aQLjSt On 1:00 PM Jul 4th 2010 from API

Farts are a turd's battle cry. On 1:10 PM Jul 5th 2010 from mobile web

Today's least favorite waves: Heat, rogue, Google. On 4:33 PM Jul 5th 2010 from web

Sometimes I wish that toilet paper was 64 ply On 5:09 PM Jul 5th 2010 from web

The only two places you'll ever hear "would u like whipped cream on that?": a whore house and Starbucks. On 12:33 AM Jul 6th 2010 from Twitter for iPhone

my sunburn makes me look drunk. also i'm drunk. On 12:45 AM Jul 6th 2010 from TweetDeck

if you use the word "diva" around me, know that i will pull a knife on you. On 1:38 AM Jul 6th 2010 from web

"We can't do shit about forest fires. But if people truly knew how fucked we are they'd lose their minds." (Smokey the Bear after 2 drinks) On 1:40 AM Jul 6th 2010 from web

Lets face it Apples like your hot ex. They cheat, lie, manipulate & only care about u when they need support. Yet, the sex is amazing. On 2:44 AM Jul 6th 2010 from web

It feels wrong to wash down a birth control pill with a mouthful of box wine. But I still do it. On 4:08 AM Jul 6th 2010 from web

JaMarcus Russell was arrested for possession of codeine syrup. It's the 1st time he's kept anything in his possession for more then 3 downs On 5:12 AM Jul 6th 2010 from web

if everybody got some head and hit a blunt everyday i swear there would be world peace On 5:14 AM Jul 6th 2010 from web

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris. On 5:51 AM Jul 6th 2010 from web

MySpace has become the Detroit of social networking sites. On 5:54 AM Jul 6th 2010 from web

In line for Holocaust Museum in DC. German guy ahead of me states "In Germany, would be more efficient." I. AM. NOT. KIDDING. #savageirony On 2:07 PM Jul 6th 2010 from Echofon

"I own a few payday loans businesses." Translation: I lubricate Hell's gears with the blood of poor people On 3:07 PM Jul 6th 2010 from txt

Dudes with long fingernails should automatically qualify as active members on the sex offenders list. On 4:14 PM Jul 6th 2010 from web

I refuse to be a victim of PMS. On 6:05 PM Jul 6th 2010 from Echofon

Riverboat Demolition Derby. I can't be the first to suggest that. On 8:28 PM Jul 6th 2010 from web

"I had the craziest day today." -every housewife who barely did shit today. On 8:53 PM Jul 6th 2010 from Twitter for iPhone

Next time your kids ask you for money, tell them you're trying to stay under the salary cap. On 9:45 PM Jul 6th 2010 from Echofon

Know anyone that can install a gun rack in my Prius? On 9:47 PM Jul 6th 2010 from web

My biggest fear is that Li'l Wayne will get wet and multiply. On 9:52 PM Jul 6th 2010 from web

My body is getting bigger or my Dick is getting smaller. Either way, it's not good. On 12:49 AM Jul 7th 2010 from web

Sometimes I'm condescending. Nevermind. You wouldn't understand what that really means. On 1:54 AM Jul 7th 2010 from Twitter for iPhone

RT @suss2hyphens: A whole show dedicated to LeBron will air on ESPN Thursday. Tentative title of show: "SportsCenter." On 2:29 AM Jul 7th 2010 from TweetCaster

I only watch Hell's Kitchen because sometimes, I miss being married. On 3:42 AM Jul 7th 2010 from Twitter for iPhone

Was just asked (verbatim) at Brooklyn Wendy's: "What the fuck you be wanting?" #ilovenyc On 3:44 AM Jul 7th 2010 from Twitter for iPhone

Porridge is just shitty oatmeal. On 4:51 AM Jul 7th 2010 from web

I may have perfected a maneuver to get into bed without the monster grabbing my feet. If I don't tweet tomorrow, you'll know I failed. On 6:47 AM Jul 7th 2010 from web

#TheresAlwaysThat1 girl who gets mad at you for looking at her chest full of glitter On 7:52 AM Jul 7th 2010 from web

#ChuckNorriz can eat just one Lays potato chip. On 9:00 AM Jul 7th 2010 from Twitter4J

New term that you can feel free to use: "Orifice Hat Trick" On 1:54 PM Jul 7th 2010 from Facebook

Breaking News: ESPN reports...Lebron James farted...and it smelled like cabbage with a hint of superiority. On 2:27 PM Jul 7th 2010 from TweetDeck

Regrets? I've got a few. But please, don't bother me while I'm drawing this cartoon of Mohammed with a mullet. On 2:58 PM Jul 7th 2010 from TweetDeck

I wish this line was emo, but it isn't going to cut itself. On 3:04 PM Jul 7th 2010 from Echofon

Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand On 4:02 PM Jul 7th 2010 from web

COULDN'T DECIDE WHAT TO EAT SO I JUST HAD 17 DELIVERY GUYS COME TO MY CRIB. I CHOSE THAI BECAUSE I KNEW I WAS THE BEST AT CHOOSING LUNCHES. On 4:52 PM Jul 7th 2010 from web

How awesome would it be if Lebron announced he was going to play for the Washington Generals? On 9:01 PM Jul 7th 2010 from web

Today in 1928, sliced bread is sold for the first time. It is the greatest thing since itself. On 10:02 PM Jul 7th 2010 from SocialOomph

@5tevenw Children are like farts: your own are just about tolerable but everyone else's are horrendous. On 10:15 PM Jul 7th 2010 from web in reply to Steven Winterburn

I would happily initiate a state-wide civil war if the net gain was that Katy Perry's version of California seceded from mine. On 10:39 PM Jul 7th 2010 from TweetDeck

"California Gurls" is the sound of Forever 21. On 12:19 AM Jul 8th 2010 from TweetDeck

Dogs! You feel like fuckin other dogs? Head on over to the Silverlake dog park. Just drove by, its poppin' #la On 2:21 AM Jul 8th 2010 from UberTwitter

It took 28 years but I finally got a haircut that I like! That I'll hate tomorrow! That no one will notice! On 2:29 AM Jul 8th 2010 from web

I downloaded the Friday The 13th ch ch ch ah ah ah to my iPod to listen to while I did my trail run tonight. I beat my best time. By a lot. On 3:49 AM Jul 8th 2010 from web

This lady in Wal-Mart is either stealing a cucumber or she's got an erection On 3:51 AM Jul 8th 2010 from twidroid

In my next life I'm coming back as a vuvuzela so I can be really annoying and still get blown constantly. (via @nickkroll) On 4:04 AM Jul 8th 2010 from web

LeBron James is under pressure? Maybe he'd like to become a shrimp farmer in the Gulf? On 1:05 AM Jul 9th 2010 from Twitterrific

HA! RT @EricStangel I'm keeping my 2 yr old up to watch LeBron James Special. I want her to see the exact moment our society hit rock bottom On 1:13 AM Jul 9th 2010 from web

Finding it hard to make fun of LeBron's broadcast in a space designed to broadcast things about yourself that have no need to be broadcast. On 9:59 AM Jul 8th 2010 from web

Kobe should have a commercial run during the press conference that says "You know I have five rings don't you." On 1:16 AM Jul 9th 2010 from ÜberTwitter

How is getting courted by six NBA teams and a primetime special announcing your decision a "humbling experience?" On 1:25 AM Jul 9th 2010 from Twitter for iPhone

Delonte West going to lose Lebron's mom. That's the real story here. On 1:35 AM Jul 9th 2010 from ÜberTwitter

Gee, another Ohioan that leaves the state for warmer weather. That's truly shocking. On 1:37 AM Jul 9th 2010 from web

When the going gets tough the tough catch their moms fucking a team mate and get going On 1:42 AM Jul 9th 2010 from UberTwitter

I just googled cleveland & google said no matches found the city has disappeared On 1:30 AM Jul 9th 2010 from UberTwitter

LeBron really puts the leave in Cleaveland. #hackytwitterjokes On 1:44 AM Jul 9th 2010 from Tweetie for Mac

Just what Miami needs. Another immigrant. On 1:46 AM Jul 9th 2010 from Twitter for iPhone

Okay, Jif commercial. Mom MAILS her kid some PEANUT BUTTER? To college? She's an ADULT now! She can go to the damn store! Just send money! On 1:47 AM Jul 9th 2010 from web

The whole city of Cleveland is under suicide watch until further notice. On 1:47 AM Jul 9th 2010 from Echofon

This LeBron James special sucks. 50 minutes in and still no dancing. On 1:51 AM Jul 9th 2010 from Echofon

I generally figure it all out on the plane and forget it all by baggage claim. On 1:51 AM Jul 9th 2010 from Echofon

BREAKING: Millions Watch Rich Guy Get New Job On 2:04 AM Jul 9th 2010 from web

I JUST BOUGHT OHIO OFF EBAY! It only cost me 17.02, a coupon to SONIC, Bone Thug first album and some of my time. I still lose though. On 2:01 AM Jul 9th 2010 from ÜberTwitter

If you get one of LeBron James's scholarships you have to change schools before you accomplish anything. On 2:06 AM Jul 9th 2010 from web

all I want to know is, how does this affect Khloe & Kourtney Take Miami? On 2:08 AM Jul 9th 2010 from web

Just replaced a flat tire on my car with help from nobody. Heading home now to have a big glass of High Noon Whiskey. (I'm a stud.) On 2:19 AM Jul 9th 2010 from Echofon

Call me when everyone stops tweeting about Lebron. Thanks. On 2:26 AM Jul 9th 2010 from Twitterrific

Hopping in shower now to get car grease off of hands and body. Drinking whiskey while doing it. (Stud shit.) On 2:40 AM Jul 9th 2010 from Echofon

#perfectworld Shaq comes back to the Heat also and Pat Riley signs me to come off the bench when football season ends, id average 15 pts On 2:56 AM Jul 9th 2010 from Swift

Welcome to the revised South Florida "WADE COUNTY"..."LeBROWARD COUNTY"....AND "WEST PALM BOSH"...@benjibrown1 On 3:00 AM Jul 9th 2010 from Twitter for BlackBerry®

Alot of your mother fuckers need to get off lebron dick @benjibrown1. You would think he paying yo bills. On 3:32 AM Jul 9th 2010 from Echofon

UTI.edu is a bad name for a technical college. #OrAnyCollegeReally #ActuallyUTIAnythingIsABadName On 3:56 AM Jul 9th 2010 from TweetDeck

I am SO angry the professional decision the talented millionaire made regarding his affairs was different than the one I might have made! On 5:42 AM Jul 9th 2010 from Twitter for iPhone

Rioting in Cleveland right now. I hope they set the river on fire again. On 5:45 AM Jul 9th 2010 from web

Arizona's immigration law might b racist, but illegal immigrants are LITERALLY un-American On 6:05 AM Jul 9th 2010 from twidroid

My action-hero catch phrase: "Reading is for stupids." On 7:06 AM Jul 9th 2010 from UberTwitter

Cavaliers Owner Vows to Clone New Lebron from DNA Left in Locker Room On 12:48 PM Jul 9th 2010 from Echofon

Mattress King Selects Wife From Small Wisconsin Village http://onion.com/a6AWkn On 1:00 PM Jul 9th 2010 from API

I like my coffee like I like my women. I like black women. On 2:42 PM Jul 9th 2010 from web

The worst part of a groin injury is hearing everyone tell you the same joke when you say you have a groin injury. On 8:35 PM Jul 10th 2010 from Twitter for BlackBerry®

I'm at The Parks Mall in Arlington Tx this mall looks like it was the shit in 1985 On 9:16 PM Jul 10th 2010 from UberTwitter

Whoever's in charge of telling old men when they have weird, long hairs growing out of their eyebrows/ears should be fired. On 10:56 PM Jul 10th 2010 from web

Who da fuck u think u fuckin wit I don't pay high ass cost/$7.45 for Kenneth Cole got this at Ross #HustlinRemix On 10:59 PM Jul 10th 2010 from twidroid

How to trick people into thinking you're good looking. Hilarious!! http://youtu.be/OYpwAtnywTk On 11:31 PM Jul 10th 2010 from TweetDeck

This is an A/B conversation, so don't be a C-word. D-bag. On 12:04 AM Jul 11th 2010 from Wind-Up

Nipples are the boobs' "Like" buttons. On 2:46 AM Jul 11th 2010 from mobile web

I feel like having a baby and having a dog are pretty much the same except for the part where your vagina gets ruined. On 8:57 PM Jul 11th 2010 from Twitter for iPhone

Filipino dudes are so good at being feminine but not gay. On 9:13 PM Jul 11th 2010 from UberTwitter

Paris was incredible. Any culture that drinks 2 bottles of wine & then espresso at 1:30am on a work night=not pussies. On 9:53 PM Jul 11th 2010 from web

It's never a good sign when you put your penis in a girl and she stamps your hand. On 9:31 PM Jul 11th 2010 from UberTwitter

don't worry my children, I was thinking about leaving for Miami also On 11:08 PM Jul 11th 2010 from TweetDeck

My spirit animal just took a shit in the back of my karma. On 11:11 PM Jul 11th 2010 from Echofon

i have a list of things I will never do. I call it my F*ck It List. On 1:06 AM Jul 12th 2010 from TwitterBar

It's time we update the phrase "best thing since sliced bread." I can think of a lot of better things invented since then. Like, Nintendo. On 1:31 AM Jul 12th 2010 from web

I wish Robert would go Downey on my Jr. On 3:32 AM Jul 12th 2010 from Twitter for iPhone

Hey Amish people, what does looking ridiculous have to do with your beliefs? And why are you on a computer reading this? On 4:56 AM Jul 12th 2010 from web

If a king runs a kingdom and a emperor runs an empire, who runs a country? On 6:13 AM Jul 12th 2010 from web

A noise just came from my closet. I'm really hoping it's the Boogeyman and not R Kelly. On 6:26 AM Jul 12th 2010 from web

I can't believe gaming units don't have holes that men can fuck yet. On 6:38 AM Jul 12th 2010 from Twitter for iPhone

I'm starting a bucket list for my vagina On 1:30 PM Jul 12th 2010 from web

changing his game already to fit in miami: espn has learned the chalk thing LeBron does before games will now be done with actual cocaine On 3:00 PM Jul 12th 2010 from web

A stripper dressed like a nun is a blessing in disguise. On 3:25 PM Jul 12th 2010 from web

@5tevenw Strippers pay Chuck Norris for a lap dance On 4:44 PM Jul 12th 2010 from Echofon in reply to Steven Winterburn

The thing that hippies in the sixties and hippies of today have in common is that they were not cool at all during either time period. On 4:50 PM Jul 12th 2010 from Twitter for BlackBerry®

Fidel Castro is wearing a plaid shirt & a track suit. Give that man a PBR & a Coachella wristband and he's the world's oldest hipster. On 12:30 AM Jul 13th 2010 from web

if it weren't for women, i would be so out of here. On 5:08 PM Jul 12th 2010 from web

Am I the only person who can't tell the difference between E! And CNN? On 6:17 PM Jul 12th 2010 from Twitter for iPhone

If you were wondering whether there was a website about mimes called "Mime the Gap" stop wondering. On 6:50 PM Jul 12th 2010 from TweetDeck

"The camera adds ten pounds and ten thousand dollars." - Rainn Wilson On 7:17 PM Jul 12th 2010 from web

I could use a wet nap. And I'm not talking about the wipe. On 7:57 PM Jul 12th 2010 from web

No matter how long I live, I will never stop believing that THIS TIME is the time I rubbed my eyes too hard to ever fully regain sight. On 8:37 PM Jul 12th 2010 from web

WILL'S MAN TIP 40. Always open the door for a woman. And if she doesn't thank you, calmly say, "Nobody loves you and you will die alone." On 9:23 PM Jul 12th 2010 from Echofon

Brag brag brag brag brag brag am I tweeting the right way? Brag brag brag...... On 9:55 PM Jul 12th 2010 from UberTwitter

Big Ben has them trapped in a bathroom. RT @jaymohr37: Pittsburgh has been Twitter wasteland. Where are all the Tweeps from the Steel City? On 9:59 PM Jul 12th 2010 from Seesmic

Mel Gibson threatened to bury his ex girlfriend in his rose garden, which shows he is still a romantic at heart. On 12:07 AM Jul 13th 2010 from web

I'd like to know what cell service Mel Gibson has because with ATT I couldn't get thru a rant that long without at least 3 call fails On 12:58 AM Jul 13th 2010 from web

AND YOU PEOPLE WONDER WHY I HATE TWILIGHT. http://twitpic.com/24t8h6 On 1:42 AM Jul 13th 2010 from Twitpic

"We need failures in America. They provide Chicken Nuggets & Lapdances." Roy Wood, Jr., Last Comic Standing. On 2:07 AM Jul 13th 2010 from web

I just ran out and bought Mel Gibson's new book, Men Are From Mars, Women Are Cunts. On 2:10 AM Jul 13th 2010 from Twitter for iPhone

You don't need a vaginal deodorant you need a doctor. On 5:12 AM Jul 13th 2010 from Twittelator

It just occured to me that when Mel Gibson called that female cop "Sugar Tits" it may be the nicest thing he has ever said to anyone. On 12:33 PM Jul 13th 2010 from web

Dan Gilbert the owner of the Cavs wants to hire Mel Gibson to be head public relations. On 11:50 AM Jul 13th 2010 from web

Now that George Steinbrenner has died and gone to Heaven, he's going to make Jesus cut his hair. On 2:34 PM Jul 13th 2010 from web

Steinbrenner just offered Babe Ruth a $140 million dollar contract, I keep telling him US dollars don't work up here On 2:53 PM Jul 13th 2010 from TweetDeck

The only thing that feels better than buying someone the perfect gift is showing them your wiener. On 3:18 PM Jul 13th 2010 from web

At first sight of a semi flaccid penis I always think, "Jew nose." On 3:08 AM Jul 14th 2010 from Twittelator

Hottest line on wax of 2010: "I'm going to come over there & burn ur house down....but u will blow me 1st"-Mel Gibson On 2:21 AM Jul 14th 2010 from twidroid

Massaging my back is like groping warm pizza dough, and I'm just as white. On 3:59 AM Jul 14th 2010 from web

The worst job has to be Bathroom attendant at strip club. My dollar can either go in your bucket or in Peaches? Hmmmm.. On 6:48 AM Jul 14th 2010 from UberTwitter

I love mel gibson. I love anyone who hits a woman in the teeth, and then thinks, "I should probably have another drink." On 4:11 PM Jul 14th 2010 from UberTwitter

A good woman never eats watermelon because she can't bear to spit out seed. On 11:01 PM Jul 14th 2010 from web

They call it Mad Dog 20/20 because, after 4 of them, every women is a "perfect vision". On 11:57 PM Jul 14th 2010 from web

IF KRISTEN STEWART LOOKED ANY MORE MISERABLE, PEOPLE WOULD THINK SHE'S DATING MEL GIBSON. On 1:07 AM Jul 15th 2010 from web

As of today, Mel Gibson has officially released more hate-filled audio tapes than Osama bin Laden On 2:03 AM Jul 15th 2010 from web

What gets longer when pulled, fits between your boobs, inserts neatly into a hole and work best when jerked? A seatbelt - you pervert! On 5:12 AM Jul 15th 2010 from web

People who say they like "all kinds" of music actually don't like any. On 6:01 AM Jul 15th 2010 from web

People who say they like "all kinds" of music actually don't like any. On 6:01 AM Jul 15th 2010 from web

I guess Nicolas Cage finally gets to play himself in "The Sorcerer's Apprentice". On 8:20 AM Jul 15th 2010 from UberTwitter

CNN just promised "the story behind the story" when they come back. Not to tell you to aim low, CNN, but maybe just try getting the story. On 1:49 PM Jul 15th 2010 from TweetDeck

Saw Woman & Son get ASS beat on Street 2day.I Took em 2 da hospital.To Father who did this-I hope MEL GIBSON SHOWS YOU HIS ROSE GARDEN BITCH On 3:29 PM Jul 15th 2010 from web

After hearing the 4th tape, it's official Mel Gibson makes funnier phone calls than the Jerky Boys. On 4:00 PM Jul 15th 2010 from web

About to make a triple rainbow. On 4:32 PM Jul 15th 2010 from Twitter for iPhone

I had to explain to my coworker what this obscure Internet meme was. I don't know if that makes him out of touch or me pathetic. On 4:45 PM Jul 15th 2010 from TweetDeck

""If you got an ugly profile pic, either you hate yourself or that's as good as you get."- Paul Shaw On 4:53 PM Jul 15th 2010 from web

Just watched Schindler's List for the first time...Hilarious! On 5:47 PM Jul 15th 2010 from Twitter for Android

Ignorance is just knowledge you didn't know you didn't have. On 6:18 PM Jul 15th 2010 from web

The YMCA has officially shortened it's name to "The Y". You know times are tough when letters are even getting laid off. On 9:00 PM Jul 15th 2010 from web

Just re-listened to the old Alec Baldwin phone rant. Today it sounds like a 19th century nobleman inviting a lady to tea. On 9:10 PM Jul 15th 2010 from Twitterrific

My Birthday is coming up in August. You can get me The Mel Gibson Audio Box Set. On 9:17 PM Jul 15th 2010 from Zannel

Some days I see the shotgun target from Halo on everyone's face. On 9:18 PM Jul 15th 2010 from Echofon

This quote made me laugh: "Censored Eminem songs on the radio sound a lot like a conversation between two AT&T customers." On 10:14 PM Jul 15th 2010 from TweetDeck

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Related posts:

  1. July Wrap Up
  2. Follow Me to a Funny August
  3. August 2010 Roundup

View Comments »

  • amy said:

    amy…

    excelent info, keep it coming…

    # 20 September 2010 at 10:51 am

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