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St Patrick’s Day-Oscars & March Funny Twitter

18 March 2010 View Comments

 

Twitter is a great tool to find out what people are talking about.  There are a few places on the web (other than Twitter) where you can go and check out trending topics/conversations happening on Twitter.  March is half over and we have got some very funny and clever tweets to share in between the 2 major events this month which have been the Oscars and St Patrick's Day.  Thanks for Re-living your March with Funny-Tweets.com!

 

The month started out with the Oscars

 

Funny Twitter Oscars Picture

 

Then moved on over to some badass Tweets about Chuck Norris

 

Funny Twitter Chuck Norris Tweets

 

And here we are… the day after St Patrick's Day

(St Patrick's Day Tweets are at the bottom of the post).

The picture from the Homepage is of course from this Youtube video which I am sure many of you have seen (+13 Million Views).  But in case you haven't, please enjoy!

 


I want to thank all the visitors to Funny-Tweets as we have been steadily growing and growing each month! 

 

Holla @YourFunnyTweets and Follow or Send Us Your Funny Tweets

Jets Cornerback Antonio Cromartie has 7 KIDS by 6 women in 5 states. He has had 5 Interceptions in the past 2 years...Sean Kemp is his idol

 

Here are The Funny Tweets Which Are in Chronological Order

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The Academy was forced to hire all these dancers as part of Obama's jobs bill. #oscars

Helen Mirren has TILFs: Tits I'd Like to Fuck

Watching Oscars- I see, they added dancing so we could all come together as one and hate the Oscars #oscars

[P] Ladies and gentlemen: Gerard Butler and Bradley Cooper. Which one are we more sick of already?

300 - 300 = the number of good movies Gerard Butler has been in since 300. #funwithmath

What are you constantly smirking about, Gerard Butler?

The first draft of Matt Damon's speech was, "Documentaries are like Hollywood movies with ugly people." #oscars

Matt Damon is like the sensitive jock — he's got muscles & is on the football team but still wants to go to plays with you. I'd tap it.

The guy who made THE COVE just hi-fived Woody Harrelson on the way to the stage? Somewhere a dolphin is killing himself in embarrassment

Look, it's Tyler Perry's nothing.

[P] RT @JamesUrbaniak Tyler Perry's Tyler Perry!

Tyler Perry + Snuggie joke = me changing the channel. Sorry, Oscars. You've outworsted yourselves.

Why doesn't Tyler Perry come out of the closet already? If his movies haven't made black people stop watching his movies, nothing will.

[P] Baldwin keeps patting his left hip pocket. No worries, Alec: the flask is still there.

Fuck foreign films. If I wanted to read, I'd fucking stay home and read. #oscars

'Avatar' is like food @ Cheesecake Factory. Something really mediocre presented so wonderfully you forget its mediocre.

All Irish people are from 1998.

#Oscars Shout out to Morgan Freeman's teeth for keeping it real. #bracescantholdmedown

"My dad sat me on his bed and taught me all the basics" Jeff Bridges #oscars

The Oscars abide.

I wouldn't be surprised if Bridges started talking about his 11 herbs and spices... #oscars

how stoned do you think jeff bridges is? he's awesome!

Jeff Bridges is channeling the ghost of Colonel Sanders.

Jeff Bridges always thanks his stand-in but he never thanks God. Oh, white people! #oscars

82nd Academy Awards - This has been going on so long, it's now the 83rd Academy Awards....

Is Forest Whitaker playing the movie version of "Urkel"?

If I'd wanted to watch four hours of something this boring I would have gone to see Avatar.

Oh, great! Oprah's going to talk.

Happy for Jeff Bridges. But This Oscars show is so long he grew that goatee during the broadcast.

Meryl Streep has more Oscar losses than Jim Kelly has Super Bowl losses. What a loser!

I'm sure what Sean Penn just said made sense to someone, somewhere. #oscars

Sean Penn's portrayal of "Sean Penn" is the worst work of his career.

RT @Apey RT @agoodthinglost: Seeing Sandra Bullock is reminding me that she totally had hairy knuckles in "The Net."

"On loan from the Smithsonian! Ms. Barbra Streisand!"

Kathryn Bigelow says she got the title "The Hurt Locker" from her marriage to James Cameron #oscars

Take that James Cameron! hope Katheryn Bigelow yells, I"m the queen of the world!"

James Cameron is going into his own hurt locker right now.

Well, we did it. I wrote a bunch a nonsense, and so did you. Happy Show Business, everyone. Good night.

Like Mo'nique Ive decided to add an apostrophe to my name. Sincerely, Ra'inn.

One of my favorite movie dialects is "Hollywood Southern"

LOL crashes car while shaving vag is a trending topic. dats a #twituation

Bigelow might have won for best picture but Cameron won for best ex-wife.

The old man who ran the funeral home in 'Tale's From Da Hood' #shouldvewonanoscar

Wesley Snipes hightop fade in 'New Jack City' #shouldvewonanoscar

It's Monday. Lower the bar.

It ain't a coincidence that these white people r granting me TOP NOTCH service after I threatened 2 contact the BBB.. Works everytime

I have a bunch of pussy magnets stuck to my refrigerator. Turns out I've been using them wrong.

New Video: Raaaaaaaandy Declares War on @justinbieber. Watch and RT please: http://bit.ly/diy6pp #BieberStoleFromRandy

For the rest of the day I will be live tweeting my battle with diarrhea.

if you make fun of gays more than once a day you're probably gay.

I'm in Halifax tonight. Always enjoy a Monday night show. I mean, who goes out on a Monday? Fun people, that's who.

I just heard a man making noises in a restroom that made me want to euthanize him.

I am so fucking sick of cable news hosts asking, "How do we stop the incivility? Gee I dunno, how about QUIT REWARDING THEM WITH AIR TIME?!

Weezy has more street cred. now he got busted for havin a gun. But not really 'cause it's not that gangster to have a gun on your TOUR BUS.

Men who think it's funny to dress up like women as a joke to make people laugh are not funny. That is science.

#BigBen Roethlisberger is using the Toyota defense: He knew there was trouble ahead, but he just couldn't stop...

yesterday, i drove away from a gas station with the pump still in my car. today, i'm going to try and not do that.

silly smoke detector, that's not a fire, it's just me cooking.

A surgeon who specialises in gender reversal just told me I'd make a good woman and gave me his card, like it was a haircut.

"I just think it's bullshit how they don't have any vampire coffee. Let's leave." http://tweetphoto.com/13746085

I'm gonna freeze my eggs & have a surrogate have my baby & then have a surrogate raise my baby. #whitepeople

i'm listening to animal collective on vinyl. do i get my hipster badge now?

In a cab on my way to the #ecnyawards. Furiously writing my acceptance speech (masturbating) in the backseat.

I'm totally going to wear a fedora tomorrow. (Things I Think While Drinking Alone)

Just got a cell phone bill that included some roaming charges from Dubai. It would have been cheaper to fly to Rome and use a pay phone.

i got a question 4 niggaz that wear tight jeans. is if u see gay people wearing them why would u wanna wear the same thing?

Jogging at night when "Iron Man" comes on the iPod instantly turns it into a jog where you might have to fend off demons.

Wanna drive someone in your life crazy? Go out for Chinese, and then rip up your fortune cookie fortune without reading it.

How come everyone that likes yoga drinks Chai Tea too? Fuckin' ass robots.

What dumb ass went around literally opening a can of worms in inappropriate places to such an extent that it became an expression? #AmIRight

Hey every girl on Facebook, "is loving life" is the dumbest status update ever.

Am I the only one that notice Chinese people have the stankest breathe on the face of the earth?

NFL - Antonio Cromartie: 7 kids, 6 women, 5 states, 4 DNA tests Today on Maury!

when you think about it, modeling a piece of chocolate after a raw egg is a pretty disgusting idea.

will someone tell me once and for all: what the fuck is Riboflavin?!

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. ~Rita Rudner

AT&T's "customer service" is managed by Satan.

In Focus: Study Finds Link Between Red Wine, Letting Mother Know What You Really Think http://onion.com/dd7FRR

I been tryn to sellout for the longest. I just ain't found a buyer yet

Politicians: Never compare yourself to Jesus Christ. Besides hanging out with prostitutes, you have nothing in common.

"My mom's (one ethnicity) & my dad's (another)... So I guess you could say that makes me a (shitty, lazy comedian!)"

CNN is reporting that China may ban eating dogs and cats. Go ahead and insert your own eating pussy joke here.

When people start a sentence with "do yourself a favor" I always think they're talking about masturbation

HIts From The Bong is Cypress Hill's Cheeseburger in Paradise.

Just got a bottle of Mountain Dew made with real sugar. Because it's important to me that nasty poison is made without corn syrup.

An audience member was acting up on me the other night and I said to him "Don't act like I won't fuck your girl." Gotta remember that one.

NFL: Antonio Cromartie can't stop. Jets paid 500k up front to help w/ paternity payments. Now he's asked for a government bailout

Whenever I see a guy in LA with a tiny hat and a mandolin, I am reminded of how capable I am of killing someone w/ a mandolin.

Attention horny ladies, if you follow the smell of awesome, you will find my secret apartment.

Currently at a hockey game. Lots of niggas. Three black people.

According to my accountant the $3600 dollars I spent on ribs last year is not deductible no matter how many jokes I tell about Applebees.

Just watched "The Wrestler". Very depressing film about a fake sport. It's as if Old Yeller played in the WNBA.

who needs health insurance? airport security provides FREE full body scans. not even a co-pay!

I think if you're fat you have to wear your hat backwards

#imtiredofseeing happy people in pregnancy test commercials. #dontwannabestuckwithyoassforever

Blacking out is a gift from your subconscious - tagged pictures on FB are the gift receipts that no one asked for...

Frank Sinatra = boring Elvis

Ironic guys think Barbie has the ideal body considering the fact that she doesn't have a vagina.

NFL - Cincinnati taking @OGOchocinco 's advice. Meeting w/ @TerrellOwens today. Scheduled workout w/ Amy Winehouse Friday

If Rep. Massa pokes you on Facebook, ignore.

You never know how long you can cup your boobs in a meeting until you try.

The more profound Lenny Kravitz lyrics seem, the less pot you still need to smoke.

#iHeardChuckNorris shot the sheriff but he didn't shoot the deputy. He beat the deputy to death with the sheriff's dead body.

#iHeardChuckNorris is the reason myspace sucks

#iHeardChuckNorris can beat Halo 3 on Legendary...with a guitar hero controller

#iheardchucknorris sleeps wit a pillow under his gun

#IheardChuckNorris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

#iHeardChuckNorris ---> Can Kill Two Stones With One Bird....

They say chick norris turned 70 today, that's bullshit! 70 turned just chuck norris!

Just drove a rental car home and yelled out loud, "I'm a grown up!" thus confirming I'm the exact opposite.

#iHeardChuckNorris let the dogs out. and the Baha Men didn't do shit about it.

I can't wait for Chris Hansen to find out about ChatRoulette...

"HIDDEN roaming charges? Jesus, Sprint has 'fucking people' down to a science, like they practice it in a fucking lab on mice first."

The best tweet ever so far. RT @BabygirljeR: I got a 2010 penny. Suck my dick.

Photo: NEVER FORGET SPARTY THE SPARTAN. Watch: http://bit.ly/2omT1c paulscheer: http://tumblr.com/xkq79ueju

In this summer's "Deer Hunter" sequel, Christopher Walken meets some hot Vietnamese dudes on RussianChatRoulette.com

Watching Big East Tournament- It's so nice to see competitive basketball played in Madison Square Garden for a change

I sure hope 48 Facebook pokes in one day is enough to let her know that I'm interested.

You don't have a "inside voice" is #whyursingle

If you ever meet anyone who works for Ticketmaster it is your moral obligation to punch them in the balls.

Yall ever seen a chick with a nice pair of heels but its like 3 inches of room left in the back because they aint her size, BORROWED

I want to get a life coach so I can pour Gatorade on him when I do well.

It would be cool if somehow a volcano spewed something besides lava for once....like YooHoo or maybe a shrimp salad...

I liked it better when the only thing that was 3-D was life

Some women get HUGE fake tits and then get mad that guys don't take them seriously. Nothing is funnier. There are only things as funny.

Sometimes I wish emails from my family had an UNSUBSCRIBE button.

Best headline ever? Best headline ever. http://imgur.com/Kd8X7.jpg

I have restless life syndrome

celerity rehab. celerity fit club. it's amazing. you can now make it in show business by failing in show business.

is thingama-bob short for thingama-robert?

#heyho u kno that's the "we fukn" side of the menu that u ordered from rite?

I was on the elevator with a maid and I BLASTED a fart. Moments like that make life worth living.

ESPN WHO- John Clayton how dare you, your face is wearing thin on TV, looking like that character from HANINBAL that had those pigs, STFU

Sadly, these days the words "outcome" and "income" are one in the same. Also, I'm just gonna reheat this thing with the sour cream. Fuck it.

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. Mark Twain #quote

You know, at the end of the day, Justin Beiber is a pretty talented young lady.

Virginia College Online #shouldbeinthebigdance

Rhianna's Forehead(3) vs. Tyra Banks Forehead(12) #shouldvebeeninthebigdance

Eminem On Drugs (1) v. Eminem Off Drugs (16) #shouldbeinthebigdance

Sexy lingerie is like a condom: wearing it alone is really sad.

Not to be a name dropper, but I'm watching 40 Days and 40 Nights starring JOSH HARTNETT right now.

OMG this is hilarious, creepy and kinda stupid at the same time! http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=1a6_1268537759

So far today I've accomplished absolutely nothing - maybe I should be a politician.

#shoutout 2 all u chics that pucker ur lips in ur pics. Yall look like u belong in a fish tank. #shitaintcute

Marijuana Use Triples Among Gary http://onion.com/9PqRYK

Hey @cockiness, when you borrowed my "I like to have my sex, and eat it too" tweet, it made me curious. Do you like the taste of penis too?

St. Practice Day tomorrow in Lake Norman, NC at a place called Galway Hooker… it'll be nice to see my sister again. Folks!

Heather Mills' fake leg was checked for explosives at the airport. No bombs were found, only a few million dollars of McCartney's money.

If you're at a coffee shop and don't know who's hogging all the bandwidth, it's always the guy that you can't tell what race he is.

sign looks pornographic: "yeah. You drink that water. Drink it while I watch from my sweedish sex chair" http://yfrog.com/0alqmxj

*about to cook* i have a problem.Just made me somethin to eat.So i could have something to eat while making myself somethin to eat

If you sing "On The Wings Of Love" and substitute "underneath my balls," the manager of the CVS will ask you to leave.

My balls itch.

All better.

#shoutout 2 all the big tittie women that have a cross charm on ur necklace w/Jesus squished between ur titties

strippers take notes. retweet this to every stripper in america http://bit.ly/aRuzfk

Opinion: I Wasn't Going To Buy This House Until I Saw The Realtor's Headshot On The Sign (by Sam Cone) http://onion.com/cSiVtu

matter fact when i first meet any girl i always try to fuck

Why can't we audit the Federal Reserve? Call ur Sens and Reps.

Chevy and I both have colds. I'm trying to figure who gave it to whom. We haven't been making out lately so I'm stumped.

Blu-ray is just like regular DVD, only with the added thrill of wasting more money.

once in college i touched Lady Gaga's dick.

First the Mission Impossible actor dies, then the worlds smallest man. Both times I thought it was Tom Cruise.

I am of the opinion that your mouth better watch its ass.

tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day, or as my alcoholic friends call it, Wednesday.

Hasn't "Paddy" always been a slur against the Irish? "You out on Paddy's Night?" "No ... I'm still getting over the Chinky New Year"

Apparently the cure for Tiger's disease is MASTERbation.

St. Patty's Day! But it's no Octoberfest. Nice job Germans- your drinking celebration is 30 times longer than the IRISH.

"Live every week, like its shark week" - Tracy Jordan

Once the tournament starts, my productivity is going to be a 16 seed.

""I have had it with these motherf***ing snakes in this motherf***ing Ireland!" -- St. Patrick L. Jackson

St. Patrick's Day forecast for NYC: Sunny, warm, 100% chance of vomit

In Focus: Man Who's 116th Irish Proud Of His Irish Heritage http://onion.com/aI7MBD

#yourenotirish you have green turds. #getyoselfchecked

If anybody thinks that they are required to wear green today go fuck yourself.

Im willing to bet these guys selling green shirts at the parade would prefer to have a card of the same color.

Wanna talk about Irish pride? I get mind-blowingly drunk on subpar beer and makeout with strangers everyday. That's how much I love Ireland.

Shamrock out with your cock out!!!

I love St. Patrick's Day in NYC- I just saw a guy vomit green beer on a yellow cab

Today is St. Patrick's Day. Perfect excuse to have some brownies, if you know what I mean. #fb

I am eating a traditional St. Patrick's day meal of throwup and being 17.

Happy unofficial alcohol awareness day

As a nonIrishman, today I'm going braugh-less.

I wore black and white stripes today, which means I think Irish people should be jailed.

I'm gonna high five 10 strangers today.

Already got turned down once. Fucking cabbies. The vendetta is back on, you bastards.

Happy #StPatricksDay! Celebrate by letting snakes loose in your office, then get wasted on green Guinness and fight them.

"Can't drink its a weeknight. I'll probably just go home and whack it with some green lotion to celebrate St Pats"

In honor of st. Patricks Day Mark reccomends watching: Leprechaun, a hilariously bad horror film from the 80s.

This is hysterical. RT @funnyordie: Zach Galifianakis' new Between Two Ferns w/ Ben Stiller: http://bit.ly/cHEpUe

http://twitpic.com/19765a - Behold! My traditional St. Patrick's Day feast: 7 Guinness, frozen asparagus soup, and 2 pieces of spearmint gum

So on Christmas people pretend to be religious, on Thanksgiving - grateful and on St.Patrick's Day - Irish.So next Feb 2nd - I'm a groundhog

Great Moments in Irish History w/ Denis Leary: http://r.funnyordie.com/zjbbi #stpatricksday

In honor of St. Paddy's, I'm going to do the truly Irish thing and quietly resent my family.

If you get pinched and you ARE wearing green, you can fill that guy's house with snakes. Wait, that's Valentine's Day when you're single.

it took me all night and it cost a bundle, but in honor of st. patrick's day, i painted my greenscreen green

My dad is doing a terrible Irish accent and won't stop. Why did this day do this?

Happy St. Paddy's Day! Or as my Irish Grandmother would say,"BLAAAHHH! WHASSA MADDER KID? YA NEVER SEE AN O'LADY PUKE BEVORE?! G'times! %^}

I am at a bar. This doesn't happen often. So girls are just sluts now?

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