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After Tax Day Laugh Day

16 April 2010 View Comments

You see how I rhymed day with…day.  Shout out to the rappers like Juvenile who make millions from this "technique".

I like to keep political comedy to a minimum because not everything is black or white, republican or democrat especially when most politicians seem to just be chasing whats green.

Follow YourFunnyTweets for…Funny ReTweets in between posts or grab my attention by sending me some Funny Tweets

 

Odds of being audited - 1/180.Odds of gettin away w murder - 1/2.LUCKY enough to be Audited?U know what to do,the Odds r already in UR FAVOR On 6:32 PM Apr 13th 2010 from web

 

You should be able to find something to make you laugh as I try to incorporate a variety of humors and comedy styles for everyone as you try and remember what has happened in February so far.  Every tweet after the first 3 are in chronological order.

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oh shit I just saw 2 niggas in a mcdonalds commercial that weren't rapping, had proper grammar, and had business clothes on. #progress On 9:59 PM Apr 14th 2010 from PockeTwit

When Obama fills out his tax forms and it asks him how many dependents he claims, do you think he writes "Everyone"? On 4:34 AM Apr 16th 2010 from TinyTwitter

I should have started my taxes before now. Feeling miserable. Hunkering down in front of this laptop trying to figure out deductions! #sorry On 10:50 PM Apr 15th 2010 from web

New idea: if you haven't mailed your taxes yet, you can get more time by running west as fast as you can On 3:59 AM Apr 16th 2010 from web

Hangin out at Lucifer's bachelor party. This guy is so dumb. On 5:10 AM Apr 11th 2010 from Tweetie

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BREAKING: Charlie Sheen announces he's leaving TWO AND A HALF MEN in order to spend more time beating his family. On 11:19 PM Apr 1st 2010 from Endless Tweets

Two things I'll ALWAYS laugh at: 1. Animals dressed in human clothes 2. "Yakety Sax" played over video footage of anything at all. #cerebral On 2:53 AM Apr 2nd 2010 from web

Getting ready for my #iPad to arrive. Spent all night putting my books into a shredder... On 3:00 AM Apr 2nd 2010 from web

Never have cyber-sex without a firewall. That's how viruses get spread. #fb On 3:17 AM Apr 2nd 2010 from web

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I want you right next to me, but a court ordered 200 yards will do. #StalkerThoughts On 5:07 AM Apr 2nd 2010 from mobile web

Kindle and Nook both sound like sexual enhancement aids for post-menopausal women. On 5:10 AM Apr 2nd 2010 from web

VH1 should make a show the opposite of Sober House - where a bunch of nerds get stuck in a house and learn how to party. You're welcome VH1 On 5:15 AM Apr 2nd 2010 from web

Failed Jesus Marketing Slogans: Who Dey?! Who Dey Say Dey Want Salvation?!! #jesusjokes On 5:50 PM Apr 4th 2010 from web

If you're wearing a turtle neck in 2010 you should take it off and then take your pants off and then have sex with a guy because you're gay. On 5:56 PM Apr 4th 2010 from UberTwitter

Dave mattews fans act like being a Dave mattews fan is a skill, when actually it is just regular old liking shitty music. On 6:24 PM Apr 4th 2010 from Echofon

I hd a dream that I bnced a chck to this guy I think is hot, then he caught me wearing the same outfit 5x in a row and confronts me. On 7:50 PM Apr 4th 2010 from web

Catholicism is Italians not understanding Christianity. On 7:52 PM Apr 4th 2010 from web

I wonder if Kim Kardashian will find a large piece of chocolate today and mistake it for a new boyfriend and start fucking it. On 8:00 PM Apr 4th 2010 from web

Failed Jesus Marketing Slogans: "Muthaf*cka I'm 'J'. So listen to the play by play/day by day" #jesusjokes On 8:20 PM Apr 4th 2010 from web

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Dear Manu Ginobli. Please don't do anymore TV interviews. You sound like Dell Computer Customer Support. On 8:41 PM Apr 4th 2010 from web

They should rename Twitter "Bored Comedians In Airports." On 9:07 PM Apr 4th 2010 from Echofon

The police is driving us to the hotel. I just asked him who got that work? He didn't find it funny On 10:12 PM Apr 4th 2010 from TweetDeck

EARTHQUAKE!!! On 10:43 PM Apr 4th 2010 from web

Earthquake? On 10:44 PM Apr 4th 2010 from web

Earthquake for Jesus! On 10:44 PM Apr 4th 2010 from UberTwitter

RT @souljaboytellem Damn mang, why all my shit shaking around. Something mad weird going on. On 10:45 PM Apr 4th 2010 from web

Its funny, everyone I talked to has a hangover and thought the earthquake was them losing control of their body. Or was that just me? On 10:56 PM Apr 4th 2010 from web

Seriously, though, that earthquake was massive here in LA. I hope everyone's fake tits are okay. On 11:31 PM Apr 4th 2010 from Twittelator

MTV cribs should be renamed "rich people don't have charisma" On 12:30 AM Apr 5th 2010 from Tweetie

If you're my ex-girlfriend, you can call it what you want, but to me, your baby's first name is Bullet and its last name is Dodged. On 12:54 AM Apr 5th 2010 from Twitterrific

The iPhone word corrector thing changes the word "vag" to "bag." I am now certain that Steve Jobs has never seen a vagina. On 1:11 AM Apr 5th 2010 from TweetDeck

Fuckin' Harry S. Truman would have hated Skype. On 1:22 AM Apr 5th 2010 from web

Opening day of the baseball season! I scratch my balls in salute. On 1:52 AM Apr 5th 2010 from web

I just became Mayor of McDonald's by eating the former Mayor (RIP Mr. McCheese) #foursquare #bloodlesscoups On 2:44 AM Apr 5th 2010 from TweetDeck

sweet caroline = drunk white people. On 3:29 AM Apr 5th 2010 from web

Fact: Jesus tipped 20% at the last supper. #jesusjokes On 6:24 PM Apr 4th 2010 from web

Today is Easter. We celebrate it by hunting for painted chicken embryos hidden by a mutant rabbit. Happy rebirthday, Jesus! On 6:55 PM Apr 4th 2010 from TweetDeck

Glass ½ full or glass ½ empty - Either way, there is room for more vodka! On 7:00 PM Apr 4th 2010 from web

How do u give a muslim woman who is fully covered from head to toe a compliment? On 7:06 PM Apr 4th 2010 from Swift

My dreams are narrated by Oprah. On 5:04 AM Apr 5th 2010 from UberTwitter

Back home in Hollywood. Or Hollyweird, if you prefer to say it a dumb way. On 5:56 AM Apr 5th 2010 from mobile web

Shout out to all the niggaz that's in the club wit every dollar they possess in they pocket. On 6:26 AM Apr 5th 2010 from TweetDeck

Tweets are like a miniskirt, Short enough to pertain interest and long enough to cover the subject. On 7:49 AM Apr 5th 2010 from web

Sometimes its fun to say something hugely stupid and add the hashtag for the current NASA shuttle mission. For example: Fart Pants #STS-131 On 11:28 AM Apr 5th 2010 from Tweetie

What's Victorias secret again? Bulemia? On 11:38 AM Apr 5th 2010 from Tweetie

Pope Vows To Get Church Pedophilia Down To Acceptable Levels http://onion.com/aeXJEC On 1:30 PM Apr 5th 2010 from API

My fave thing about 'Dancing with the Stars'? The shame-filled groans of angels watching from above, choking on their own bile-laden vomit. On 3:35 PM Apr 5th 2010 from web

How can it be that I like and respect Coach K immensely, but I would be thrilled if Duke never won another game? On 3:47 PM Apr 5th 2010 from web

Thinking of calling my book "The Bible 2." It would sell a ton of copies before people figured it out, and by then I'd be in Sweden. On 3:58 PM Apr 5th 2010 from TweetDeck

Seems petty: Obama throws out 1st pitch at Nats game, Little League Baseball demands to see his birth certificate. On 4:26 PM Apr 5th 2010 from Tweetie

MLB: This is out of control. At Washington Nationals game, Obama makes 1st pitch. Several Republicans tried to block it On 5:22 PM Apr 5th 2010 from web

Michael Steele is apparently making April Fool's Day a month long habit. On 5:33 PM Apr 5th 2010 from Tweetie

I would gratefully trade in my 4 year political science degree for 6 months of auto shop. On 6:42 PM Apr 5th 2010 from mobile web

Just saw "Clash of the Titans." Someone really needs to remake it. On 7:20 PM Apr 5th 2010 from Twittelator

The amount of different warnings on a microwave popcorn bag concerns me. On 5:47 PM Apr 5th 2010 from web

"Don't start a story with This is SO funny. Be like saying My dick's huge before you screw. Even if you're right you sound like an asshole." On 10:21 PM Apr 5th 2010 from ShitMyDadSays.com

I'm going to magic city tonite in memory of bob ross. He would've wanted it that way On 10:41 PM Apr 5th 2010 from MOTOBLUR

If you haven't changed your facebook picture in years, I will assume you got fat. On 10:52 PM Apr 5th 2010 from web

The President of The United States just threw a pitch that made him look like the President of The Sex and The City fan club. On 12:14 AM Apr 6th 2010 from web

My friend taught his 5 yr old that my name is Rob Scrotum. So he calls me that w/out even laughing. I'm starting to like the sound of it. On 12:19 AM Apr 6th 2010 from web

I'm so high right now @NASA On 12:22 AM Apr 6th 2010 from Echofon

2 new words: text while crapping= textcrement. Fuckin awesome= F'awesome! On 12:37 AM Apr 6th 2010 from web

sitting next to someone right now who smells like sour ass :( breathing thru my mouth and i think i can taste it On 9:34 PM Apr 5th 2010 from mobile web

Duke to some is another word for poop. On 2:10 AM Apr 6th 2010 from TinyTwitter

Unsolicited boner on US Airways flight #140 to Anchorage, AK seat 6A On 2:34 AM Apr 6th 2010 from twidroid

I want to be naked with the Dallas Cowboys. No homo. And also no Romo. On 2:36 AM Apr 6th 2010 from web

Does it make it better or worse for Duke knowing that everyone wanted them to lose? On 3:38 AM Apr 6th 2010 from Tweetie

For all of those who wanted the underdog to win, Jennifer Hudson has somehow beat Luther Vandross for the "One Shining Moment". Happy now? On 3:57 AM Apr 6th 2010 from web

I hate Jennifer Hudson. She ruined One Shining Moment even more than Aaron Neville. On 4:00 AM Apr 6th 2010 from TweetDeck

You're always first in line to fuck yourself. On 6:06 AM Apr 6th 2010 from web

Just a reminder that Dru Hill's upcoming album is called "InDRUpendence Day." http://u.nu/3dw48 Just wanted to make sure you guys knew. On 6:26 AM Apr 6th 2010 from web

Saw The Goonies on the big screen tonight. I double dare Hollywood to make a kid's film today that opens with a staged prison suicide. On 6:35 AM Apr 6th 2010 from UberTwitter

NBA To Start Charging Teams For Free Throws http://onion.com/ag2hDI On 2:30 PM Apr 6th 2010 from API

Hey all you queers talking about the books you've read, I'd probably read too if I wasn't on 24 Hour Fuck Patrol. On 3:01 PM Apr 6th 2010 from txt

If the people who make motivational posters are so motivated, why are they still working in a poster factory? On 5:26 PM Apr 6th 2010 from web

There are literally NO mexicans in Iraq. No wonder this country still isn't rebuilt! On 7:33 PM Apr 6th 2010 from web

Apologies to Duke fans, but I really wanted Butler to win so I could write “The Butler Did It.” On 7:57 PM Apr 6th 2010 from web

This post is the culmination of a lifetime of being obsessed with stock photos. The 10 Most Classic Stock Photo Poses: http://bit.ly/acsp16 On 8:19 PM Apr 6th 2010 from web

Oversized sunglasses on women=Hipster burka. On 9:13 PM Apr 6th 2010 from web

Who do I have to blow to never have to blow someone again? On 9:33 PM Apr 6th 2010 from Tweetie

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? On 9:58 PM Apr 6th 2010 from web

Guy just came up to me at coffee bean and abruptly said, "who are you and what are you doing in my neighborhood. You don't live here." #true On 12:18 AM Apr 7th 2010 from web

Lesbians dress like the world ended seven years ago and humanity is starting to finally give a shit about fashion again. On 12:20 AM Apr 7th 2010 from web

Hello, new yellow pages. Meet my friend, garbage can. On 1:53 AM Apr 7th 2010 from Tweetie

The #Yankees were lucky that Posada was able to score from 3rd on the bases-loaded walk. Dude is that slow! On 2:22 AM Apr 7th 2010 from web

If gangsters didn't always hang out in front yards they would probably get shot less. On 3:31 AM Apr 7th 2010 from UberTwitter

People who don't love LA aren't fully comprehending the importance of keeping your enemies closer. On 3:34 AM Apr 7th 2010 from web

My only problem with Facebook is that it makes me realize that everyone I know is either a total moron or a complete idiot. On 4:08 AM Apr 7th 2010 from TweetDeck

I went to the Dentist today. He extracted all my money. On 7:44 AM Apr 7th 2010 from Seesmic Web

#ChuckNorriz will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him. On 9:00 AM Apr 7th 2010 from Twitter4J

All the men who publicly blast Tiger Woods for being 'disappointing', 'shameful', etc, ABSOLUTELY cheat on their wives. On 6:10 PM Apr 7th 2010 from web

how did people write before cigarettes were invented? On 6:31 PM Apr 7th 2010 from Tweetie

can you be back safe but not sound or is that a group deal? On 6:48 PM Apr 7th 2010 from web

surf was fun this morning down in the south bay... the water is still really cold but yet i had zero shrinkage. On 6:52 PM Apr 7th 2010 from web

Scientists discovered a relative of the komodo dragon that has 2 penises. I'll believe it when I see him on chatroulette. On 7:06 PM Apr 7th 2010 from web

Words written in hotel room without Internet: 3000. Words written in hotel room with Internet: Uh, however many words are in this box... On 8:06 PM Apr 7th 2010 from web

Hey toddler in stroller throwing tantrum at your nanny by Jamba Juice: Things are tough all over. So shut it. On 8:18 PM Apr 7th 2010 from web

Just went to Yonkers to refill my street cred after posting pics of my cute dog and coconut water On 10:13 PM Apr 7th 2010 from TweetCaster

Just joined my neighborhood watch so I can now legally look in my neighbor's window and watch her get undressed. #poppingbonersfightingcrime On 10:26 PM Apr 7th 2010 from Brizzly

This Rihanna "rude boy" song is nasty as shit. And they let her perform it at the kids choice awards. Smh On 11:38 PM Apr 7th 2010 from TweetDeck

Most stewardesses look like attractive women who were microwaved. On 12:17 AM Apr 8th 2010 from web

Master's chairman chastises Tiger Woods:"Cheating on women is wrong. Denying them membership to a country club? No problem!" On 1:01 AM Apr 8th 2010 from UberTwitter

Dear ESPN can you please stop sucking off the Yankees v. Red Sox. its day 3 of the season. No need for all the analysis. #cubshighlights On 3:09 AM Apr 8th 2010 from web

It's funny that Kermit AND Justin Bieber are trending at the same time. Because they both have fists up their ass. On 3:47 AM Apr 8th 2010 from web

Jesse James' wife denies sex tape. Jesse James' mistress denies holocaust. On 7:14 AM Apr 8th 2010 from web

I'm in korea right now and I realized I'm really not that korean. For example, I have straight teeth and I don't smell like honeydew. On 8:54 AM Apr 8th 2010 from twidroid

When you say "no one's perfect", #ChuckNorriz takes this as a personal insult. On 9:00 AM Apr 8th 2010 from Twitter4J

"Yes, Margaret, I got your message. Sorry it's taken me so long to call back. Shit's been crazy." -God On 10:15 AM Apr 8th 2010 from Twittelator

If Tom Cruise is so worried about people thinking he's gay, why doesn't he get a tattoo across his back that says "NO HOMO"? On 8:23 PM Apr 8th 2010 from web

nasa's ending manned spaced flight. chimps, take off those warm ups, you're back in the game On 3:48 AM Apr 9th 2010 from web

I like my new apartment so much, all I can think about is what I haven't figured out is wrong with it yet. On 3:54 AM Apr 9th 2010 from Tweetie

Is there a rule that says- when the dj plays blame it on the alcohol every douchebag in the club has to show off their bottle? On 6:58 AM Apr 9th 2010 from UberTwitter

And fyi drunk girl: we know it's your birthday- isn't that why you're wearing that ridiculous tiara? On 7:00 AM Apr 9th 2010 from UberTwitter

Just created the Twitter account @therealPFChangs just to see how long until its shut down. #RealProductiveAziz On 8:50 AM Apr 9th 2010 from web

If I was a TV newsman, every time I started having sex I'd say, "This just in: my penis." On 6:08 PM Apr 9th 2010 from Tweetie

Tweet interestingly!!!! RT @iamdiddy: Drink responsibly!!!! On 12:10 PM Apr 11th 2010 from Echofon

Woke up ill. Not the cool kind of ill, either. Prepare for needy and melodramatic. I miss breathing through my nose. On 1:14 PM Apr 11th 2010 from TweetDeck

I think we should all start referring to Shelly Long as "ShLong." It saves time and she deserves a cool nickname. On 3:06 PM Apr 11th 2010 from TweetDeck

"Should I put my cock in that?" - First question I ask myself when I encounter a new person/thing. On 4:26 PM Apr 11th 2010 from txt

Hey, Sunday. You're called "Sunday" for a reason. Where the eff is the effin' sun??? Slacker. On 4:59 PM Apr 11th 2010 from web

Ugh I hate airports. The men's bathroom here doesn't have any urninals! Just a bunch of women screaming. Lame. On 5:00 PM Apr 11th 2010 from Tweetie

Sunday mornings are specifically made for thanking and apologizing to people for Saturday night. On 5:22 PM Apr 11th 2010 from web

I've found you can usually tell how dumb someone is by how often they play with their hair. Bangs are like a cheat sheet for dumb people. On 5:26 PM Apr 11th 2010 from web

Not sure what the guy next to me is talking about, but he did use the phrase "wham bam, thank you ma'am," so it's probably worth a listen. On 5:59 PM Apr 11th 2010 from UberTwitter

Drank way too much in Vegas and yelled at a Lehman bros banker for wrecking our country. I'm a class act. On 6:38 PM Apr 11th 2010 from web

So lets analyze ESPN programming. Instead of all the MLB games, they show the college BOWLING playoffs. Nice way to get viewers. On 6:44 PM Apr 11th 2010 from Touiteur

"Strung out with my toungue out."- My Dog On 6:55 PM Apr 11th 2010 from web

A piece of me dies everytime I see black people in chicken commercials enjoying it more than life itself. #Setback On 7:04 PM Apr 11th 2010 from UberTwitter

TheFuckingWeather doesn't quite capture what the f*ck is happening today. http://www.thefuckingweather.com/?zipcode=94117 On 7:56 PM Apr 11th 2010 from Echofon

Waiting for my foot to fall asleep so I can draw dicks all over it with a sharpie. On 9:12 PM Apr 11th 2010 from Twittelator

Heidi Montag would be worth a lot more money if she had been left in her box. On 9:14 PM Apr 11th 2010 from Echofon

Jim Nantz saying Tiger "managed a 69 through all of this" is my favorite sports moment of 2010 hands down. On 10:39 PM Apr 11th 2010 from UberTwitter

Greatest don't walk sign ever. http://twitpic.com/1eytsg On 10:59 PM Apr 11th 2010 from Echofon

Just FYI Baskin Robbins won't make an ice cream cake that looks like old lady boobs. So don't ask. On 11:02 PM Apr 11th 2010 from web

If we get a new Justice on the Supreme Court, maybe we can finally overturn Rock v. Paper. On 1:55 AM Apr 12th 2010 from web

#basicballwives = bad girls club wit money On 2:19 AM Apr 12th 2010 from TweetDeck

Poor NBA Housewives being cheated because their husbands love their AWAY schedule more than the HOME schedule. #2Points On 2:23 AM Apr 12th 2010 from UberTwitter

A golddigger favorite line: I don't care about the money On 2:26 AM Apr 12th 2010 from TweetDeck

i dont know whether to admire this guy drinking from a flask at my show or to be upset that hes not buying drinks On 2:39 AM Apr 12th 2010 from mobile web

Charmin has not only proved that bears do in fact shit in the woods, but also that they can wipe their own asses. On 2:52 AM Apr 12th 2010 from Tweetie

I wish I came from a city with personality. Instead I came from Vegas, a city that profits on other people's lack on one. #Treme On 3:18 AM Apr 12th 2010 from Echofon

When its time for me to get traded they can trade me for a X-Box, McDonalds coupon book a case of Red Bull with a box of COHIBAS On 4:18 AM Apr 12th 2010 from Swift

The wound on Bret Michael's head must be really serious. He's been wearing a bandage over it for 10 years. On 4:37 AM Apr 12th 2010 from UberTwitter

If you take your bra off in a bar bathroom, it's time to go home. (Asking for a friend) On 4:48 AM Apr 12th 2010 from UberTwitter

U ever see somebody flyn that make u say "she suppose to be on greyhound" On 12:15 PM Apr 12th 2010 from Swift

Greetings from Seattle, where Swedish auto repairs outnumber African-Americans. On 1:47 PM Apr 12th 2010 from Tweetie

I love that At&t's solution to them giving me shitty DLS service is to offer me 6 free moths of more shitty DLS service. On 3:48 PM Apr 12th 2010 from TweetDeck

"Look at my Super Bowl Rings, Look at my complexion. I'm Ben Roethlisberger BITCH!!" #RoethlisbergerRules On 6:57 PM Apr 12th 2010 from UberTwitter

"I have the White Away" #RoethlisbergerRules On 7:02 PM Apr 12th 2010 from UberTwitter

The Internet: Bringing you your daily WTF since the mid-90's: http://bit.ly/dqh4xZ On 8:03 PM Apr 12th 2010 from TweetDeck

Keep slumping down in your chair. Slowly. Then, when nobody can see you, slide under table. Compose yourself. Roll out door. On 8:05 PM Apr 12th 2010 from web

Just saw a pimped out #Prius which more or less says, "Killing the environment is whack but killing people occasionally is okay." On 8:09 PM Apr 12th 2010 from web

I need a ride to Cincinnati. Please WKRP. On 8:09 PM Apr 12th 2010 from Tweetie

Sometimes I wish I was a professional wrestler so I could yell everything and never wear a shirt. On 8:21 PM Apr 12th 2010 from web

Getting my 9 month old son dressed these days looks like I'm fighting a midget rodeo clown while skydiving. On 8:43 PM Apr 12th 2010 from Echofon

Saw a newspaper ad 2day: "Huge CASKET Sale! Call Before You Buy!" Shouldn't that be "Call Before You DIE"? On 9:12 PM Apr 12th 2010 from web

If disappointing your wife was an Olympic sport, I'd be Adolf Hitler. On 9:25 PM Apr 12th 2010 from web

My last girlfriend was temperamental. 50% temper and 50% mental. On 9:39 PM Apr 12th 2010 from web

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I think the reason we haven't heard from osama bin laden isn't because he's hiding, it's because he has At&t. On 10:47 PM Apr 12th 2010 from Tweetie

Instead of calling idiots 'douchebags', I'm gonna start calling them 'Duecebags'...As in 'a smelly bag of poo'... On 11:57 PM Apr 12th 2010 from txt

I want to make a show for men about relationships & call it "Oops I Guess I Said The Wrong Thing Again Even Though It Didn't Seem Like It." On 2:36 AM Apr 13th 2010 from Twitter for BlackBerry®

I defy you to find anything better than John Tesh playing the NBA theme in a tuxedo vest at Red Rocks. http://bit.ly/HKQ1x On 3:33 AM Apr 13th 2010 from TweetDeck

I am grateful that everyone wants to get me high. In other news, I am high. #thankyou On 3:34 AM Apr 13th 2010 from mobile web

Hey Verizon mom, just let your daughter go to the fucking mall without the tracking collar. You are embarrassing her. She hates you. On 3:40 AM Apr 13th 2010 from Twitterrific

I was able to read six YouTube comments before my brain killed itself. On 3:45 AM Apr 13th 2010 from web

was just asked by J.C. Chasez if i'd like to focus on studio work or twitter.... guess what i chose. On 4:29 AM Apr 13th 2010 from web

Has "Taco Bell" made it into the excusable-reasons-to-call-into-work sick list? If not, looks like my grandma died for the 5th time. On 6:39 AM Apr 13th 2010 from Touiteur

Sometimes I feel bad for the stink. It gets, what, like half the attention of the pink? On 11:01 AM Apr 13th 2010 from Twittelator

Is it me or do rappers make a album full of metaphors now? On 2:49 PM Apr 13th 2010 from Echofon

Waiting for Applebees to introduce "The Wall of Onion" A big fried wall you just gnaw on til your heart stops. #AmericansWillEatAnything On 3:06 PM Apr 13th 2010 from TweetDeck

To punish them both, Ben Roethlisberger should have to sexually assault the Pope. On 3:11 PM Apr 13th 2010 from web

John Tesh dated Oprah? That confirms it for me. Oprah is gay. On 3:12 PM Apr 13th 2010 from Echofon

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Do cool hip dudes in skinny pants know that I can see their penis? On 6:17 PM Apr 13th 2010 from web

when u talk to a nigga in the industry ur no longer called by yo real name u are now "thats the bitch_________fuck wit" On 7:43 PM Apr 13th 2010 from web

U know u at a bullshit hotel when they promoting "COLD AC" On 10:42 PM Apr 13th 2010 from TweetDeck

Instantly downloading any man I want to my vibrator. Thanks, Netflix! On 10:43 PM Apr 13th 2010 from Tweetie

RT @friedmanjon: Thank you internet! http://bit.ly/cKLS51 On 11:02 PM Apr 13th 2010 from web

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A french press is ideal if you like scientific experiments and waiting twice as long for your coffee. On 12:08 AM Apr 14th 2010 from web

Do dogs smell other emotions besides fear... like shame. Mine caught me watching American Idol and now won't look at me anymore. On 1:01 AM Apr 14th 2010 from web

it never feels quite right washing down a birth control pill with a sip of wine. On 4:38 AM Apr 14th 2010 from mobile web

Phil Mickelson is the most bitch looking man alive today. On 4:43 AM Apr 14th 2010 from Echofon

Found an upside to At&t! You don't have to worry about drunk dialing ex boyfriends because the call won't go through anyway. On 5:40 AM Apr 14th 2010 from Tweetie

I'm not a painter, I just huff a lot. On 12:52 PM Apr 14th 2010 from TweetCaster

"I must be close to my expiration date, 'cause I'm about to get nasty." #ThingsiLikeToSayWhenImAboutToDoIt On 1:40 PM Apr 14th 2010 from web

The only thing worse than mom jeans are mom genes. On 7:17 PM Apr 14th 2010 from Tweetie

I like people who put it on their license plate that they are a douche. Just passed "P90-X Guy" who knows what I mean. On 7:23 PM Apr 14th 2010 from web

Today I turn the age Jesus was when he was betrayed,crucified under Pontius Pilate, went to hell, and rose againin glory. I'm at the DMV. On 8:45 PM Apr 14th 2010 from mobile web

got a stick so big in my bag that I put it in the fireplace #chroniccomplaints On 7:03 PM Apr 15th 2010 from web

GROUPIE PSA: incase yall wanna know, the NFL Draft is a week from today... Oh.. Fuck it, yall already knew that! My bad.. On 7:04 PM Apr 15th 2010 from Echofon

#welcometomiami where aunties and neices graduate from High School the same year On 7:14 PM Apr 15th 2010 from Echofon

#shoutout to anybody that ever got caught masturbating. On 7:20 PM Apr 15th 2010 from web

#WelcomeToMiami where u need a passport to go to Hialeah On 7:21 PM Apr 15th 2010 from Echofon

I should have started my taxes before now. Feeling miserable. Hunkering down in front of this laptop trying to figure out deductions! #sorry On 10:50 PM Apr 15th 2010 from web

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  • Tweets that mention After Tax Day Laugh Day | Funny Tweets of Twitter | -- Topsy.com said:

    [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Janice Riper, Adam Moore. Adam Moore said: After Tax Day Laugh Day over at Funny-Tweets.com http://bit.ly/dbbEq0 [...]

    # 16 April 2010 at 6:28 pm
  • Igormarxo said:

    Difference between USSR Communist media and USA “mainstream media”

    In Russia government make media say what they want – even if lie.

    In USA “mainstream media” try make government what they want – even if lie..

    …..eventually they become same thing?!

    Old Russian saying You can tell same lie 1000 time but not change truth!

    I Igor produce Obama Birth Certificate at http://www.igormarxo.org

    Compare Obama Care vs Igor Care at Obama Care vs Igor Care

    # 17 April 2010 at 12:22 am
  • Igormarxo said:

    Difference between USSR Communist media and USA “mainstream media”

    In Russia government make media say what they want – even if lie.

    In USA “mainstream media” try make government what they want – even if lie..

    …..eventually they become same thing?!

    Old Russian saying You can tell same lie 1000 time but not change truth!

    I Igor produce Obama Birth Certificate at http://www.igormarxo.org

    Compare Obama Care vs Igor Care at Obama Care vs Igor Care

    # 17 April 2010 at 4:22 am
  • All Around the World News said:

    After Tax Day Laugh Day | Funny Tweets of Twitter |…

    I found your entry interesting do I’ve added a Trackback to it on my weblog :) …

    # 15 July 2010 at 4:42 am

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