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Start of June – The World Cup & More

16 June 2010 View Comments

 

Thank You For Bearing With Our Slower Than Usual Load Times.  If you use Twitter often then you are probably aware that the site can run slow, malfunction or produce a "Fail Whale" frequently.  Funny-Tweets.com relies on Twitter's server to re-produce tweets so things can run a bit slow when loading this post.

The following Funny Tweets are in Chronological order and run from June 1st-13th covering a multitude of topics.  The BP Oil Spill is not going away and is sadly still a hot topic.  With that in mind Funny-Tweets.com has teamed up with DonkeyTs to provide you with some wearable humor. 

All T-Shirts are just $12-$20.  Click on 1 of the shirts you like and you will be directed to Donkeyts.com where you can purchase your shirt.  Use the PROMO CODE : tweet to receive 15% off your order.

**In Addition – 1/2 of all proceeds to Funny-Tweets.com will be donated to Stepehen Colbert's (South Carolina's favorite native son) "Gulf of America Fund" to help the cleanup efforts in The Gulf.

 

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Save The Gulf Tshirt

 

As the title suggests we have some great World Cup Jokes & Tweets from an American Perspective….They are toward the end of the post.

FIFA World Cup Funny Funny & Annoying World Cup Vuvuzela

 

  We have also added some Funny World Cup T-shirts…which includes a Coupon for 15% Off Here.. 1/2 Proceeds Will Be Donated.

 

 

 

Don't forget to Follow YourFunnyTweets for daily joke Re-Tweets….also you can grab our attention with your own Funny Tweets by using the @YourFunnyTweets!

 

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"I want to be fat so bad" -Kim Kardashian's body On 7:46 PM Jun 1st 2010 from web

The ads for the CW's "Life Unexpected" boasts that it's 'JUNO meets GILMORE GIRLS'. It might as well say, 'Never watch this, Matt!' On 7:53 PM Jun 1st 2010 from Echofon

Homeless man with no shoes bummed a smoke and took a call on his iPhone. Wasn't expecting that last part. On 8:24 PM Jun 1st 2010 from txt

Just threw the new Starbucks coffee in the trash at the end of the drive-thru, leaving the old one in the cup holder… that's called focus. On 9:01 PM Jun 1st 2010 from TweetDeck

The most badass move in all of sex is eating two ice cream cones at once while getting a beej. On 9:05 PM Jun 1st 2010 from Echofon

When is BP going to give up on all of these "experimental plans" and come up with an actual "plan?" On 9:18 PM Jun 1st 2010 from TweetDeck

Now that Heidi and Spencer have split, I wonder if she'll be going back to her maiden name? Potatohead. On 9:18 PM Jun 1st 2010 from Twittelator

If we're being accused of being criminals, we want to be tried by a jury of our peers- wealthy execs who don't give a damn. #fairisfair On 9:44 PM Jun 1st 2010 from Twitterrific

#LISTENLADIES we don't like approachin you when ALL your girls are around. Don't want to get rejected in Stereo. On 9:54 PM Jun 1st 2010 from UberTwitter

Al Gore is getting a divorce....he should've focused more on House Warming instead of Global... On 10:59 PM Jun 1st 2010 from txt

I like to put Aunt Jemima next to the Uncle Ben in my pantry. I'm hoping for a love connection. On 11:34 PM Jun 1st 2010 from Twitter for BlackBerry®

Obama should demand that BP dump as much oil as possible into the gulf, they'll fuck that up too and seal the well on accident #bizarroworld On 11:58 PM Jun 1st 2010 from web

my new pose in pics: tongue out and sign of the horns, no exceptions. On 12:07 AM Jun 2nd 2010 from web

Why does Dog the Bounty Hunter have a E True Hollywood Story and why do I have a 1997 accord with a dent? On 1:45 AM Jun 2nd 2010 from web

There are 60 cities in China with populations over 1 million. SIXTY. All they do is fuck. On 2:39 AM Jun 2nd 2010 from txt

I don't give a flying fuck, a walking shit, a jogging asshole, or a jump-roping dick! On 5:18 AM Jun 2nd 2010 from Twitter for iPhone

to all the pornstars I'm following...you're lagging in the twitpics! On 5:43 AM Jun 2nd 2010 from web

Trust me, I'm all curled up in bed, lookin' cute as shit. On 11:39 AM Jun 2nd 2010 from UberTwitter

Do girls in Asia get tattoos in English on their backs? On 3:16 PM Jun 2nd 2010 from Twittelator

#ifhiphopwashighschool twitter would be the lunchroom. My timeline would be the table where the cool kids sit. On 4:33 PM Jun 2nd 2010 from UberTwitter

White people make running look so fun On 4:43 PM Jun 2nd 2010 from Echofon

two wrongs don't make a right. but i'm determined to find out how many wrongs do On 6:24 PM Jun 2nd 2010 from web

Brett Favre is so sick and tired of this unending LeBron James coverage on ESPN. On 7:36 PM Jun 2nd 2010 from web

Your love is my drug. And weed. On 10:09 PM Jun 2nd 2010 from web

thunder storm has delayed my flight to atlanta. I blame BP. On 10:29 PM Jun 2nd 2010 from mobile web

i admire myself for being more prepared to slam on the horn than on the brakes when i see a potential accident happening. safety second! On 11:32 PM Jun 2nd 2010 from web

Ken Griffey Jr retires w/ 630 HRs. Current active HR leader without steroid rumors is now Bengie Molina w/ 121 On 12:19 AM Jun 3rd 2010 from web

Men look way more like chicks than parking meters look like chicks. But I want to fuck men and parking meters the same amount (not at all). On 12:23 AM Jun 3rd 2010 from UberTwitter

I guess the Gore divorce is an inconvenient truth. On 12:39 AM Jun 3rd 2010 from web

I wish women would nag in 140 characters or less. On 1:07 AM Jun 3rd 2010 from mobile web

My 1 year-old's inner monologue: "Once I throw this stuff on the floor, I'll shit myself, cry and have lunch." On 2:55 AM Jun 3rd 2010 from web

@ChuckNorriz secretly sleeps with every woman in the world-as a result, they bleed once a month On 9:00 AM Jun 3rd 2010 from Twitter4J in reply to Chuck Norriz

Never have I been so charmed by software as when Final Draft just suggested I change the word "douchebag" to "doodlebug" On 6:27 PM Jun 3rd 2010 from TweetDeck

The chicken or the egg? No one came before the rooster did. On 11:41 PM Jun 3rd 2010 from web

Incense smells like if flowers could fart. On 11:53 PM Jun 3rd 2010 from web

A cervical fracture sounds like a damn good fuck... just sayin. On 2:56 AM Jun 4th 2010 from web

On days like this, Coronas taste better in buckets! On 10:12 PM Jun 5th 2010 from UberTwitter

I love when people say - a wise man once said - blah, blah. If he was so wise, he would made sure someone remembered his name. On 10:18 PM Jun 5th 2010 from web

You know you suck at gambling when you factor in the free drinks as part of your winnings. On 11:11 PM Jun 5th 2010 from web

Smelling a bad smell is unfortunate but tasting that smell leaves emotional scars. On 2:34 AM Jun 6th 2010 from Twittelator

What happens in Vegas stays in your conscious. On 2:41 AM Jun 6th 2010 from web

want my gravestone to read: "Shut the fuck up, I'm sleeping" On 3:04 AM Jun 6th 2010 from web

#GhettoRaceHorseNames Lemme Hold Somethin' On 7:21 AM Jun 6th 2010 from web

im pretty sure Maya Angelu is really Yoda. On 5:45 AM Jun 7th 2010 from mobile web

It amazes me how how gay people can take a cock up the ass but they can't a joke #fags hahaha never gets old On 4:49 AM Jun 7th 2010 from TweetCaster

You can't unhook a bra with air quotes. On 1:10 PM Jun 7th 2010 from Twitter for iPhone

Nothing like having your kids home all day during summer to make you realize teachers aren't paid enough. On 4:43 PM Jun 7th 2010 from txt

I use Facebook for the people I know. I use Twitter for the people I wish I knew. On 5:14 PM Jun 7th 2010 from web

This is my first tweet ever and I have absolutely nothing to say. It's like I've been tweeting for years! On 9:03 PM Jun 7th 2010 from web

Kelloggs ordered to stop claiming Rice Krispies strengthen kids immune systems. Parents who have been deceived should drink more Smart Water On 11:05 PM Jun 7th 2010 from Twitter for Android

European soccer players are complaining about the ball that the World Cup will be using. They claim it's more deflated than their currency. On 11:39 PM Jun 7th 2010 from Echofon

The weight limit sign on elevators should just say, "Stare at the fat guy" On 11:44 PM Jun 7th 2010 from web

Paul Pierce look like howard stern's BEETLEJUICE On 3:50 AM Jun 9th 2010 from UberTwitter

I bet Lindsay Lohan didn't drink booze that made her scram bracelet go off. She probably just blew a drunk guy On 4:32 AM Jun 9th 2010 from mobile web

Just landed in Senegal, Africa the 1st thing I heard playing on the radio...Justin Bieber. Bieber you win again! On 9:16 PM Jun 9th 2010 from web

Seriously, I hope in this day and age, NOBODY in the world says "potahto." On 9:51 PM Jun 9th 2010 from Twitter for BlackBerry®

Fascinating. Did you know you can just rip up a to-do list? On 10:03 PM Jun 9th 2010 from web

The world won't change until there is a tampon commercial that uses red fluid instead of blue fluid to demonstrate absorbency. On 2:16 AM Jun 10th 2010 from web

my vaporizer took pot smoking to a whole new level. the "I'm gonna get high constantly" level. On 3:35 AM Jun 10th 2010 from web

Whoever stole my umbrella made me steal someone else's umbrella. On 3:48 AM Jun 10th 2010 from web

Rasheed Wallace & Pau Gasol need an old spice commercial they both look musty. On 3:07 AM Jun 11th 2010 from web

Country sponsored by polo ralph lauren vs. Country who actually manufactures it #WorldCupMatchUp On 9:08 PM Jun 11th 2010 from Echofon

This time every couple of years I like to think of it as world cupping someone's balls! Thank you thank you!!! On 9:09 PM Jun 11th 2010 from web

@roywoodjr #worldcupmatchup: Countries that have dogs as pets vs. Countries that have dogs as dinner. On 9:24 PM Jun 11th 2010 from UberTwitter in reply to Roy Wood, Jr.

Just saw a clown walk by in a pirate hat on 2nd & Santa Monica, and no one tried to killed it. What kind of sick world do we live in? On 9:26 PM Jun 11th 2010 from Twitterrific

#WorldCup report: France v Uruguay: 90 minutes, nothing happened. Basically, a Matthew McConaughey movie. On 9:31 PM Jun 11th 2010 from web

when did email become the homework of life? On 3:37 PM Jun 11th 2010 from TweetDeck

How many black people r in france their world cup soccer team looked like florida A & M kept waiting 4 da band at halftime On 10:14 PM Jun 11th 2010 from UberTwitter

i just invented a new word for all of u people that like to bone in the morning. somethin i dont do. Sex in the morn is now called sexfast On 10:44 PM Jun 11th 2010 from web

B.E.T. = Blacks Embarrassing Themselves On 10:53 PM Jun 11th 2010 from web

BREAKING NCAA NEWS: Detroit Lions apply to join Big 12. They were rejected. On 11:45 PM Jun 11th 2010 from web

#WorldCup update: England vs. USA: Eagerly awaited by millions of Britons and dozens of Americans. On 12:03 PM Jun 12th 2010 from web

Soccer would be better to watch if instead of kicking the ball they threw it and every goal was 7 points and also the ball was a football. On 11:27 AM Jun 12th 2010 from web

Only way Americans will watch USA vs England #Worldcup is if BP oil leak reaches playing field or they wear Revolutionary War attire. #fb On 12:31 PM Jun 12th 2010 from Echofon

#nolie. I would rather watch 24 hour coverage of the gulf coast oil leak than watch one game of the world cup. On 4:15 PM Jun 12th 2010 from HTC Peep

An NFL Game is 60mins w/ 3 timeouts. NBA 48mins w/7 timeouts. Soccer 90 mins no timouts #stophating #stamina On 3:57 PM Jun 12th 2010 from web

They should change the name of Bonnaroo to Mud Hole. Or Smell Factory. #ideaman On 4:07 PM Jun 12th 2010 from web

I'm so excited for the World Cup!!! #IjustWannafitIN On 4:15 PM Jun 12th 2010 from web

#WorldCup: There is only one game that can bring the world together, and that game is #Farmville. On 4:24 PM Jun 12th 2010 from web

♪ I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free (unless I'm incarcerated like 1 in 15 Americans will be at some point) ♪ On 5:54 PM Jun 12th 2010 from web

Is the English goalie Bill Buckner? On 7:11 PM Jun 12th 2010 from Echofon

Apparently getting the ball in the goal doesn't happen much, but when it does it's a good thing. Mostly because those damn horns stop On 7:36 PM Jun 12th 2010 from Twitter for BlackBerry®

I hope during the break spectators got a chance 2 clean the spit out of their air horns, moisturize lips & rest up 4 another half of blowing On 7:38 PM Jun 12th 2010 from UberTwitter

Just turned on World Cup, literally to see what was up with these horns everyone's talking about and, goddamn, do I GET it! On 7:41 PM Jun 12th 2010 from Seesmic

Ok. Hitting mute. Fucking trumpets sound like mutant bees. On 7:53 PM Jun 12th 2010 from mobile web

It sounds like a swarm of angry bees are attacking the soccer game. Coincidentally, that's the only thing that could make me watch soccer. On 8:03 PM Jun 12th 2010 from web

The worst thing about getting sexually harassed on the sidewalk is having to pretend I'm offended when I really want to say "thank you!!" On 8:08 PM Jun 12th 2010 from Twitter for iPhone

If these commentators were on twitter I would unfollow them for over tweeting random sh*t. On 8:17 PM Jun 12th 2010 from web

watching soccer is as boring as people showing you pictures of their kids. #worldcup On 8:19 PM Jun 12th 2010 from TweetDeck

Just wanted some little pictures in my tweets... #usa #worldcup On 8:23 PM Jun 12th 2010 from web

The world cup is on. Sounds like a bra I would never fit into. On 8:25 PM Jun 12th 2010 from Twitter for iPhone

The best player on the USA soccer team is England's goalkeeper. On 8:30 PM Jun 12th 2010 from web

Cool tie! World Cup must be on a TIGHT schedule, so it's important to keep it moving and give everyone a chance to play. #2ndGradeFieldDay On 8:31 PM Jun 12th 2010 from TweetDeck

those Americans cheering in a pub are not celebrating the tie. They're celebrating the fact that it's okay to be day-shitfaced in a wig. On 8:32 PM Jun 12th 2010 from Twitter for iPhone

RT @KFUCKINGP: In America, real sports have no fucking ties. - lmao On 8:36 PM Jun 12th 2010 from Echofon

England vs. USA recap: "Football": England 1 - USA 1 : "Crapping in the other's Gulf": England 54 - USA 0 ^Tony On 8:38 PM Jun 12th 2010 from web

A tie is kissing your sister but England is stepsister by 2nd marriage who's hot. Not that bad. #UmWhat #WhoSaidThat #GregKissingMarsha On 8:42 PM Jun 12th 2010 from Twitter for iPhone

Yall don't care about soccer stop frontin lol. If yall did yall would call it football :) On 8:44 PM Jun 12th 2010 from UberTwitter

The England goalkeeper had BP oil on his hands. On 8:46 PM Jun 12th 2010 from web

Shit's Creek is lovely when you have the proper equipment for rowboating. On 9:17 PM Jun 12th 2010 from web

I didn't fight and die in the Revolutionary War and then later get re-incarnated for a fucking tie. On 9:20 PM Jun 12th 2010 from web

Why aren't they eating orange slices at the world cup? This is bullshit! On 9:26 PM Jun 12th 2010 from web

Too bad there's no way you can find out. :'( RT @chamillionaire: What happened with the game. USA vs ENGLAND? I missed it cuz of the show. On 2:15 AM Jun 13th 2010 from TweetDeck

South Korea got 2 goals today, 2 GOALS! Soccer officials better test them for drugs… those kinda numbers are Bonds-sized. On 2:35 AM Jun 13th 2010 from TweetDeck

Soccer's like junior prom. Everybody running around for hours chasin' eachother but nobody scores! #askingformore #canttakeajoke #lightenup On 7:40 AM Jun 13th 2010 from UberTwitter

"No Alcohol Beyond This Point" is just a fancy way of saying "Chug Chug Chug" On 9:28 PM Jun 13th 2010 from Echofon

Lakers vs celtics glad to be watching a game where there is scoring no offense world cup On 12:19 AM Jun 14th 2010 from UberTwitter

Oscar for Best Actor in an NBA FINALS. *Both Damn Teams* On 2:26 AM Jun 14th 2010 from UberTwitter

Just spent 22hrs travelling. I smell like Lindsay Lohan's breath. On 2:27 AM Jun 14th 2010 from Twitter for BlackBerry®

You should foreclose on your Twitter account too. RT @chamillionaire: I probably spent 10g's in international tweet expenses. On 2:57 AM Jun 14th 2010 from Twitter for iPhone

Sometimes it takes a good fall to really know where you stand. On 6:24 AM Jun 14th 2010 from Twitter for BlackBerry®

Life is a garden, but don't be a hoe. On 8:19 AM Jun 14th 2010 from web

#ChuckNorriz can direct message anyone On 9:00 AM Jun 14th 2010 from Twitter4J

#WorldCup: "Baby, I'll stop blowing my vuvuzela if you'll blow this." #WorldCupPicupLines #vuvuzela On 10:32 AM Jun 14th 2010 from web

The letter Q is just the letter O smoking a cigarette. On 1:38 PM Jun 14th 2010 from Echofon

Ah, Twitter. Bringing the gas station bathroom wall into the 21st century. On 2:05 PM Jun 14th 2010 from mobile web

 

My new phone is so much better than my family. On 2:47 PM Jun 14th 2010 from web

Exciting USA vs Britain game ends in 1-1 tie. FIFA should color the game balls blue #worldcup On 2:48 PM Jun 14th 2010 from TwitterBar

When 90% of world uses squat toilets hard to feel sorry for yourself for being a product of divorce boom of the 80's. #africamagic On 5:03 PM Jun 14th 2010 from web

In similar news they will also continue to offer bad coffee. “@CoffeeFestShow: Starbucks to offer free wifi nationwide starting July 1" On 5:41 PM Jun 14th 2010 from Twitter for iPhone

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ On 7:17 PM Jun 14th 2010 from web

Yesterday was The Puerto Rican Day Parade and the Gay Pride Parade. Ricky Martin walked 127 miles. On 7:35 PM Jun 14th 2010 from web

Its so hot in cincinnati right now mexicans aren't working & I just passed a pool packed w/ black kids On 7:53 PM Jun 14th 2010 from UberTwitter

Going to McDonald's for a salad is like going to a whore for a hug. On 8:32 PM Jun 14th 2010 from web

#WorldCup: I don't want to get all Freudian, but the vuvuzela, a long, tubelike instrument, is blown mainly by men. On 9:05 PM Jun 14th 2010 from web

The storm here in Indianapolis just blew the siding off our house. Thank god we rent, and thank you too bad credit. On 1:57 AM Jun 15th 2010 from TweetDeck

Well, the Big 10 has 12 teams, the Big 12 has 10 teams & the Pac-10 has 11 teams. Nice to see that colleges count as well as their athletes. On 3:20 AM Jun 15th 2010 from Echofon

I'm listening to Smokey Robinson and making Osso Buco. I wonder if my dad is somewhere updating his blog and writing jokes for his stand up. On 5:02 AM Jun 15th 2010 from web

When ya high, hungry and bored u will come up wit some crazy shit to eat. I done made a Shrimp, Egg, and Cheese sandwich.. its good too On 8:24 AM Jun 15th 2010 from twidroid

Way to avoid a hangover - You either don't start or you don't stop. On 11:54 AM Jun 15th 2010 from web

People are mad at me for continually making fun of soccer. I apologize. Other stuff sucks, too. On 2:16 PM Jun 15th 2010 from web

You ever notice most Ford vehicle names are more fun when you put "anal" in front? Probe, Explorer, Excursion... On 2:33 PM Jun 15th 2010 from TweetDeck

My tour has ended and I'm having trouble adjusting. I just screamed at my wife because she wouldn't let me sign her boob. On 3:19 PM Jun 15th 2010 from web

When they write a song about California girls, it's always Southern California girls. I want a song about lesbians and IT project managers On 6:41 PM Jun 15th 2010 from web

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